Visiting You Without Her
by Jodi Barnes
I bear the wrong gin. Your air conditioner runs cold. It is either frigid or off, the gauge broken. You are not too old to overlook these things. You can't be choosy, but you will never beg. Just an occasional choice as you settle into this hole of living without her—that's all you want. I get this. I show you by being your bobble-head doll. Hmmm. No doubt. Of course. Sometimes I pat your hand as if I'm you when I was five.
I don't tell you I'm often terrified that you will leave, suddenly, like she did to both of us. Even though your liver is in pickled limbo and the window is blowing like a blizzard, I ask for a drink. You pour my disappointing gift into a sour glass. I roll down my sleeves and listen.
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Understated. Fascinating. Human.
good stuff.*
"This hole of living." A story that vibrates. *
"I roll down my sleeves and listen." Frighteningly real. Good piece. Noting wasted. I like. *
Sad and beautifully written. The short sentences that start the piece off, the gin and the chill. And the inversion of child/parent. Really good, Jodi. *
I love how everything builds off that short, simple, yet impactful first sentence. Well done. *
I love the way the "I" and "you" blur together in this piece.
This made me smile- "I show you by being your bobble-head doll." So right.
*, Jodi. Sad? Yes, but wonderfully written. Right here In your story. A favorite line:
"You are not too old to overlook these things."
Just enough.
I especially like the last sentence.
Such fine attention to detail here, and so real. Nicely done. Scary and beautiful and sad, yes, but not sentimental. Well done.
*
And the visit is captured for us! Sad and fine, Jodi.
Very real writing, such a real tone *
Very good piece, Jodi.
"You pour my disappointing gift into a sour glass."
Outstanding line.
So much in so few words, skillfully executed. *