Talk To the Bionic Hand

by Jerry Ratch



Talk To the Bionic Hand

“Scientists have discovered how to program intention into a bionic hand so that it will react to impulses from the brain like a normal hand”




Man found being choked by his own out-of-control bionic hand

after hand programmed by a disgruntled laid-off programmer from NASA

Bionic hand caught playing with man's genitals

when directed to find a few coins in his pocket,

maybe his keys, a cell phone with too many apps, and a digital watch


Bionic hand misunderstands directive to open the fridge,

found wandering in neighbor's wife's blouse

Bionic hand learns how to unsnap bra on its own

Bionic hand goes berserk in women's lounge


Bionic hand discovered worshipping a bunch of bananas at supermarket in California

which contained exactly five bananas

the middle one unusually large


Bionic hand found drinking several beers without being told to do so

then discovered weeping in its beer at a table with fellow bionic hands

Bionic hand found making mysterious masturbatory motions at night

then struggling to keep from going insane and/or berserk


Bionic hand found waiting on a bench for public transportation

Bionic hand discovered holding another bionic hand on that same bus bench

Bionic hand discovered attempting to learn sign language

Bionic hand having difficulty signing the word for laughter


Bionic hand found looking at rings in a pawn shop window

Bionic hand discovered pacing to and fro outside a maternity ward

lighting one cigarette after another mechanically

without thinking about the consequences


Bionic hand found with sweaty palms

Bionic hand found with the word TIME written on its hand


Bionic hand discovered at the shop of an unlicensed palm reader

Bionic hand found logging in to Match.com

ends up on date with bionic foot

then going back to enter a complaint on Mismatch.com

Reporters are waiting to hear more after being told to talk to the bionic hand



copyright © 2010 by Jerry Ratch


from the book: TALK TO THE BIONIC HAND