Excuse Me, There’s Some Suspicious Activity In the Men’s Room?

by Jerry Ratch


Someone has locked themselves in the large stall 

They're smoking one cigarette after another 

And pulling long stretches of toilet paper off the rolls 

God only knows for what purpose 

And yelling for anyone who's outside the stall 

To go get them another roll from one of the other stalls 

Even if someone else is in there 

Using it 


The whole place smells of cigarette smoke 

Maybe some marijuana as well 

And there's the constant whirring 

Of the toilet paper rolls 

I wonder if anyone knows what the heck 

Is going on in there 

Or if anyone else has registered 

A complaint, or is even in the slightest 

Bothered by all this mayhem 


You can hear the shuffling of cards in there 

As if they're playing solitaire or something 

With themselves, while there's 

The sound of drinking an enormous 7-11 slurpee 

And I think I can hear the sound 

From an I-phone of them 

Listening to the Wheel of Fortune 

And trying to buy yet another vowel