by Greg Davis
7
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16 comments |
116 words
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I wrote this a while after departing from Northern Vermont, where I lived as an outsider for some time. Lo and behold, I'm leaving another place I'm not from to return to my flatland home in Ohio.
Some other stuff can be found at http://leakingballoon.blogspot.com
I know this place, Greg. We all have lived there.*
Yes, Joani, it's humanity...
"sweating over some failed chatter with the clerk,"
the above: the sentence with the essence *
I especially like the music of the lines -
"Under nervously flickering fluorescent lights
your name will grow
fed by the talk of Those Who Never Leave,
those who watch as you enter and
ask with squinting eyes
why you stare so long at the steak
that shines in its cellophane
like motor oil shines on water-
purple, red, and green.
'Not good enough?'"
Good form. I like the piece.
I'd like to hear this read aloud. It's like a song.
All I can say is I love you guys! Thanks so much for your kind words. This piece has been on ice for a long time and it's great to get such positive feedback.
Very well done, Greg.
"Under nervously flickering fluorescent lights
your name will grow
fed by the talk of Those Who Never Leave"
JLD and I live in Tiny Town, Ohio so I understand these words completely.
You nailed provinciality and the plight of the outsider. This resonates; no matter where I live, I feel this way. Peace *
Thank you MaryAnne and Linda!
I like that term "the plight of the outsider" and have lived it a bit myself. Thanks for the kind words and the faves!
I love this -- ghastly and real. True.
Thanks Martha! The experiences that inspired this piece were themselves sort of ghastly so I'm very glad the mood came through. Thanks again for the feedback!
"The hidden voice of slanderers"
Yes, you nailed the small town life.
"those who watch as you enter and / ask with squinting eyes / why you stare so long at the steak "
Been there. Hated being there.
Post the whole suite so we can see this in its place.
Thanks so much for your kind words, Bill, and for your interest in the whole suite. I think I'm going to decline on posting the whole thing at this time, due to a combination of poor quality and excessive length; I thank you for the interest all the same. Greg
Greg, this is lovely, haunting, and small town brought to life! I would love seeing more, parts or whole, whatever you feel ready to share.
Fave.
Thank you, Robert! This piece is about ten years old and the whole thing no longer exists in digital form. Once I get my family moved tomorrow(driving a U-Haul 800 miles from Charleston, SC to Columbus, OH) maybe I can get it typed in again and find a way to share more of it. Thanks a million for your interest.
As JP Reese said, we have all been in that store and had our names grown, so we know exactly what you mean in this story, and that's why we resonate with it.
Best of luck with the moving and I hope it will be under lighter circumstances than when this was written.
Thanks Berit!
The move did go well, but I've decided against becoming a commercial truck driver after driving a 26' moving truck up here. Yikes.