Exhale
It's as if the house knew I was relinquishing my hold on it. The night before the closing, it began to let go. A new water stain emerged on the bedroom ceiling, the bugs came out, the faucet started to drip, and I knew it would not release me easily...
It's like when you've pushed yourself beyond measure, for an extended period of time producing a show, or working on a long-term project. You finally complete it, and then your body just collapses with the flu or some strange stomach virus, as though it can barely keep itself together anymore.
That's how it is after a prolonged push. The atoms of your person, the figments of your imagination, the force that holds them in place gives way and they simply begin to spread apart, leaving room for disease and new ideas. The yin and yang of recovery.
Letting go of the illusion of safety, shelter, predictability ... it's terrifying and exhilarating. I yearn for the freedom of collapse - like a sharp outtake of breath after a near miss, and the adrenaline rush, and the color flooding my face with relief.
It's like when you've pushed yourself beyond measure, for an extended period of time producing a show, or working on a long-term project. You finally complete it, and then your body just collapses with the flu or some strange stomach virus, as though it can barely keep itself together anymore.
That's how it is after a prolonged push. The atoms of your person, the figments of your imagination, the force that holds them in place gives way and they simply begin to spread apart, leaving room for disease and new ideas. The yin and yang of recovery.
Letting go of the illusion of safety, shelter, predictability ... it's terrifying and exhilarating. I yearn for the freedom of collapse - like a sharp outtake of breath after a near miss, and the adrenaline rush, and the color flooding my face with relief.
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Author's Note
A splash of text from an upcoming book about my prolonged journey into widowhood and out the other side...
Other stories by Deborah Oster Pannell
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Captures the experience of finishing a great effort very well.
Love that first paragraph. On the nosey. *
The house began to let go. Great way to open.
Especially like this -
"That's how it is after a prolonged push. The atoms of your person, the figments of your imagination, the force that holds them in place gives way and they simply begin to spread apart, leaving room for disease and new ideas. The yin and yang of recovery."
Good writing. *
Gripped me from the first sentence.*
Like Amanda, I was pulled in right away at the first sentence. "The yin and yang of recovery". Love that. The whole piece has a yin/yang feel to it. The house is reluctant to let go of you, but you let go of it. The stress, the collapse, the relief. *
Thanks for all the wonderful comments. I'm really starting to delve into some personal stuff here, so it's great to feel your support - helps me maintain the flow...
:)
I enjoyed the hyper-awareness of this voice and character.*
"I yearn for the freedom of collapse"
The summum bonum.
Fine work, Deborah.
*
Thanks Gary and Bill. I really appreciate your remarks...
:)