Freeway Deaths Attributed to Talk Radio

by Dan Tricarico

PERRIS, CA--The deaths of three motorists in this inland Southern California city are being blamed on local talk jock "Consumer Dave" Campbell, say local authorities, as motorists fall asleep at the wheel and careen into oncoming traffic while listening to Campbell's drive time show.

"I was just coming home from work listening to Consumer Dave," said Murrietta resident Mick Baylor, through his attorney, "when my eyelids started getting droopy. And he was just talking about how Circuit City was going out of business and I was. . .well, lulled."

Mr. Baylor will be charged with vehicular manslaughter and faces up to three years in jail and the confiscation of his XM Satellite radio.

When I found Mr. Baylor," said Sergeant Scott Courtney of the California HighwayPatrol, "He was slumped over his steering wheel of his '96 Honda Civic, snoring like a bear. Something must be done about how damned boring talk radio can be. It's downright dangerous."

This is, in fact, not the first time, talk radio has been blamed for highway fatalities. In a related story, Mesa, Arizona resident Terrie David mowed down two bicyclists while listening to the Dr. Mary Meadows, an Arizona on-air psychologist.

"I was fine until she started talking about how inherently lazy and stupid husbands were, and the next thing I know they authorities are using the Jaws of Life to pull me out of my mini-van."

Assemblyman Rodney Soo (D-La Mesa) has introduced legislation requiring all talk radio shows to devote a portion of their show to something other than well, just talk.

"Something that might save lives," says Soo. "Something like, well, music. If people continue to be bored by all this talk, both motorists, pedestrians, and people with active throught processes might be put at risk and then anything can happen."