Godfrey part 1 : Godfrey's penis
by Claire King
“First had the suspicion the penis was shrinking the morning after Jeremy's wedding.”
“How was it, old boy? Good do?”
“Yes, yes, very smart. Excellent service.”
“Good-oh. So, the penis, you say?”
“Yes. Bit of a shrinkage situation.”
“Had a chap out to look at it?”
“No. Doctors are terribly busy these days, doesn't seem appropriate to bother them with penis deflation. Wouldn't you say?”
“Well, yes, when it's put like that…”
“After all, one expects some attrition with age.”
“We're not the young men we were.”
“Way of the world.”
“Yes. Yes.”
“Surprised, though, how noticeable the difference was. It was rather…”
“Rather?”
“Abrupt.”
“Goodness, that does sound a tad alarming, if I might say so.”
“Thought at first it was perspective; a little wide around the midriff these days.”
“If you don't mind me asking, in percentage terms, what sort of a, um, reduction have you experienced?”
“Percentage? Oh my dear boy, there's hardly any of it left.”
“Nothing?”
“The bare minimum.”
“Perhaps a doctor would be in order nevertheless?”
“That's the funny thing, Not sure I want patching up. Never been happier.”
“My word.”
“Taken a weight off the old shoulders.”
“Excellent, excellent.”
“Yes. More whisky, old chap?”
“Wouldn't say no. Much obliged.”
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Author's Note
This story first posted to the brilliant Voices site. http://fuddyduddyfan.wordpress.com/
Part 2 (Marjory's bag) here: http://www.fictionaut.com/stories/claire-king/godfrey-part-2-marjorys-bag
Other stories by Claire King
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This is hilarious. I could hear these two talking, the sign of excellent dialogue. Great work, Claire.
came here like a fly smelling honey. penis story! exquisite dialogue. dying to read this aloud, actually. the old chap. yes. much obliged.
Nice, nice, nice.
This story has a contagious smirk that grows into a grin. I caught it. Thanks, Claire. Cheerio.
You really know how hurt us old fellows, don't you, Claire. Shame on you.
Thanks everyone! Sorry, Jack, but wait, he has a wife you know...
And Marcus, it's funny how penises (penii?) do that. But then you would know. You (or someone a lot like you) had the original fictionaut penis if I remember correctly?
PS - Marcus I would just love to hear you read this out loud!
Really funny, great tone throughout.
(though perhaps title should shrink as well?)
peni do what?
Gary - they entice. Well, some of us. *blush*
Love it .... love it .... love it. Weeping, yes, but loving it.
"Thought at first it was perspective"
Love this moment!
Wonderful to see this here, and thanks Claire for posting on VOICES. So fortunate to have an early glimpse of Godfrey and clan, don't stop, they build in their dry hilariousness, oh how I could see these snippets on the British telly.
Love the twist at the end (so to speak).
Still laughing! This does need to be read--and heard--aloud! What's coming in part 2?
yes yes yes!! laughed the first and second time, now this time too! Wonderful for VOICES, wonderful here, Claire!
Terribly funny and original.
Thanks everyone I'm so pleased to have made you laugh! Special thanks to Walter and Michelle for welcoming Godfrey to Voices. I like to think he's going to meet up with Peach there one day and who knows what will happen.
Kim - you can now met his wife Marjory, up under latest posts!
Godfrey 1 & 2 are delicious. These would make great youtube pieces. They are visual. Is there a Godfrey 3?
Thank you, Martin! I'm pretty sure there will be a Godfrey 3, but he's very quiet at the moment. Possibly keeping his head down after the bag debacle?
Not sure how I missed a story subtitled Godfrey's Penis. The dialogue is just terrific, and I, too, could absolutely see and hear these two talking. And the ending, never been happier, made me laugh right out loud. Is there a Godfrey part 2 - I am going hunting right now.
Odd, quirky, hilarious matter-of-fact discussion of EXTREME penis shrinkage. That the guy is happy about it is all the more absurd. Makes me want to read more.
Thank you, Gloria! If you do want more, I haven't posted it in the group as it's not polite to throw in multiple stories, but there is a sequel 'Marjory's Bag' you'll find in my story list!