While We Fuck

Quite unpleasant--but powerful.

wOW! At first I thought it said,"Why We Fuck." Powerful, indeed.

Yes, it is unpleasant. I think that's all right in a sort of general sense, to just be sort of an unpleasant punch.

I do wonder about the effect of contextlessness on this piece, though. Does it effectively strip the piece of meaning? What is rape without context? Is it inherently objectifying, or othering, to present this without motivation -- to present this without knowing what her thoughts are? Are we seeing Rape Victim as archetype rather than individual, and to what extent does that play into problematic discourses?

I think a sentence of subjectivity would improve this. It'd have to be the right sentence, though, to be strong, working within the aesthetic, and creating the same mood. Even just a phrase, maybe.

Just my thoughts, Christian, good to see you here. As always, you don't shy away from conflict, and I like the sharpness of the language.

I don't see it as rape except in the emotional sense--which is, of course, as degrading but by agreement rather than force. I think this pretty much tells us much about the characters, and while it doesn't lessen the offense, it does supply the tragedy of the more willing victim.

No foreplay for the reader either, which isn't a bad thing in this case. Nice work. Not pretty but powerful.

Powerful, indeed.

powerful, as others have noticed. i also don't see it as a rape per se. there is a strange intimacy established between two people coming together in this way, which is of a different kind than our idea of a "loving encounter". but love comes in many ways, it's a mysterious beast, primeval at its root and not defined by Jane Austen. i often look for a trace of heart in flash pieces, and i found it in this one against my will.

wow. this is strong like bitter coffee.

(i didn't came to think of rape here - it ends with 'while we fuck', so i understood it as mutual. otherwise it would have been 'while you fuck me', no?)

I agree, "while you fuck me" would make more sense.I think Dorothee is right.

Susan, et al, that's a much more interesting reading.

3 (now 4) males & 5 females commenting; would like to chart metrics to gauge the draw of 'offense as interest' amongst fictionauts overall, then by gender. There's probably another sub category lurking there. Reminded me of that preppy Lothario, Tucker Max mixed w/a bit of Japanese Porn. Is this provocative or a provocation? Tags: 'drabble' (good word -- is this rabble + dribble; drabble?) and rape, but maybe the tag should be 'date rape' owing to our inferred complicity of the victim (isn't that the first line of defense for someone accused of 'date rape?'). The tag is a tell.

Hey, thanks for reading everyone! And for your comments!

After thinking, I believe yall be right: I overtagged.

But because computers are magic, I can change stuff. Magic-1, Not Magic-0.

that's going to be my next 'sub genre' of alt music - 'drabble.' love it. post seattle grunge and a drunken rapper 'mouthing off' in a different language

"-while "we" fuck." "We" aren't; apparently, it is a rape, so it should be "-while "you" fuck (rape) me.

"Unpleasant" is a bit of an understatement; it's both deeply disturbing and powerful. What's most disturbing is that—lights or no lights—it's impossible not to know that the woman is crying through the entire act.

It strikes me as a 73-word snapshot of misogyny. Well done. I had to read it twice.

I'm amazed a man wrote this piece. I'd like to see more of your work up here.

powerful, most certainly, Christian. Hauntingly so.