Dear Zombie William Carlos Williams,

Dear Zombie William Carlos Williams,

I am Bob Malone, Director of Legal Affairs at Harry Hold and Company, Inc., owner and publisher of your assorted works.

It has come to my attention that you have been posting your works on a website, www.undeadwilliamcarloswilliams.com.

You, since your death, no longer own these works, and therefore this unauthorized use of William Carlos Williams' material constitutes copyright infringement and therefore piracy (which will henceforth be abbreviated, “terrorism”).

Not only are you damaging the integrity of these works by stealing them, but also the future book sales of Harry Hold and Company, Inc. (henceforth abbreviated, “America”). Furthermore, when terrorists steal from America, it is unfair to the many conscientious humans who would pay us fees to view and use the poems (henceforth abbreviated, “kidnapping and then drowning kittens and puppies”).

Please immediately remove all terrorist copies of poetry from your website. If you do not comply, America will have no choice but to file for statutory damages at the sum of $1,360,000, for the 17 works you terrorized from America.

Thank you for your anticipated cooperation

Bob Malone, American

#

Dear Bob Malone,

$1,360,000 for using 17 pieces of my pieces?

I want you to read this next paragraph very slowly and with great trepidation:

Go fuck yourself with a piece of rebar, or a rake, or any number of other infectious and jagged implements. I am not going to pay you for using my work which I wrote. I am not a pirate nor a terrorist, and your company is not synonymous with America. And I have never drowned orphaned kittens.

Furthermore, I resent the implication that I am not conscientious. I saw a baby today and I did not eat it. That's a lot of conscience for a zombie.

Most sincerely,

Zombie William Carlos Williams

#

Dear Zombie William Carlos Williams,

The $1,360,000 total comes from the precedent set by Capitol v. Wilson (formerly Virgin v. Wilson). $1.92 million dollars for the terrorism of 24 beautiful works of art she destroyed and sullied by procuring and hearing.

Due to your profane disregard for my illustrious office as Director of Legal Affairs for America, as well as your terrorism for posting and allowing others to view the works which you no longer own, we shall see you in court. See attached legal documents.

If you wanted to retain the ownership of said works, then you should not have died.

Sincerely,

Bob Malone, American

PS Who cares about not eating babies? That doesn't make you conscientious. I don't eat babies every day.

#

Dear Bob Malone,

I would like to have a meeting with you regarding said prosecution.

Sincerely,

Zombie William Carlos Williams

#

Dear Zombie William Carlos Williams,

Fine. But make it a lunch meeting. And make it not at anywhere with spicy food-- Korean gives me indigestion and I am scared of Mexican people. Indian people don't pronounce their ‘r's because they were colonized by the Brits before they went all commie, and this annoys me.

Sincerely,

Bob Malone

#

To the Board of Directors at Harry Hold and Company,

This is just to say

I have eaten the brains
that were in
the lawyer's head

and which
you were probably
saving
for lawyery things

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so brainy.

Sincerely,
Zombie William Carlos Williams
##

Hi, you're watching the Tim Carston Factor, and I'm Susan Mandell,
filling in for Tim Carston who is missing, presumed dead.

In a shocking story sure to have the zombie-rights activists of the
far left in an uproar, terrorist Zombie William Carlos Williams shocked the nation by first kidnapping, then drowning kittens and puppies.

When Bob Malone-- an honest man, seen here with his two children and loving wife, working for what sources describe as, “America”-- confronted Zombie William Carlos Williams about his terrorist activities, Williams reportedly, “went into a furious rage,” and “murdered Bob [Malone], puncturing his skull and then draining his brain matter for sustenance.”

More, after the break.

But first: are dentists planting tracking devices inside your teeth?