Bird-Watching
by Tina Barry
You huddled on your side of the bed and I on mine as we watched a bird outside our window spy on you. It was an ordinary pigeon, perched on our sill, swiveling its head.
“Quiet!” you hissed. “It's listening.”
I looked at the bird and then at you with your broad back shoved against the wall. “I don't think it's a spy,” I said. “It's not wearing a trench coat or sunglasses.”
You made that prissy tisk-tisk sound. Tisk-tisk. You don't understand. You don't understand. Again. I didn't understand that you held secrets, important secrets of interest to that bird. I didn't understand that if you called my friends a “bunch of Lesbos,” you did it to protect me. Why, you wondered, couldn't I recognize their seductive ways--or acknowledge your act of heroism? You were baffled when I wouldn't let you kiss me after you took my young face in your hands and with a finger drew lines on either side of my mouth. “Old,” you whispered. I didn't understand, you said with a hoot, that it was hard to get hard when my ass was soft.
I arose and peered through the glass at the feathered sleuth. “I was wrong,” I said. “There is something suspicious about that bird.” I wanted to offer that moment of understanding before I left. Because I did understand. Finally. “Yes, I was wrong,” I said, not to the man whimpering on the bed, but to the you I remembered, the you who would have laughed at the thought of a spying bird.
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Author's Note
Bird-Watching is included in the spring issue of 5x5. http://www.5x5litmag.org/
Great story, Tina, perfectly written. Feelings jump at me from the words. And it made me sad, too.
Thank you, Foster. I appreciate your kind words.
The tone is wonderful here and is the strength of the piece - "You made that prissy tisk-tisk sound. Tisk-tisk. You don't understand. You don't understand. Again. I didn't understand that you held secrets, important secrets of interest to that bird." This is good work, Tina. Good form. I enjoyed the read.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read the story and for such positive comments. They're appreciated!
love the way you work the physical descriptions to cue up the emotional state…backs shoved defensively against walls, animal sounds, hooting, hissing, and tisk, tisk. This plays out like a dramatic escape from a predatory conflict in the wild...under 300 words too!
Thanks Doug! "...a dramatic escape from a predatory conflict in the wild..." I love that.
Extremely fine writing and voice here that give the reader a feeling of intimacy beyond the story. Nice.
Thank you, Susan. I appreciate your comments.
Splendid writing, just splendid. This is what a Micro should be; compact equals impact. BIRD has the feeling of love lost, of retribution. This phrase could be a prompt or a title: ". . . the you I remembered . . ." I think, somehow, your art background has transfered into your ability to write.
Thank you so much, Ramon. Such kind words. They mean a lot.
I like that idea of a bird spying, and to mix it with this sense of memory between two people . . . bravo.
Thanks for the "bravo" Jon. Glad you like the story.
Wonderful play here between "watching birds" and "the bird is watching." And "listening"! And the great line about the "suspicious" bird spoken to the suspicious bird on the bed.
Hi Stephanie, Thanks for reading Bird-Watching so carefully and for your insightful comments.
so much has already been said about this fine, careful piece - sorry to be late to the party, but very glad I came!
Hi Julie, I'm happy to hear positive comments like yours in the moment--or any time. What writer doesn't? Thanks for the kind words.
And thanks for the star, Julie!
Tina, it’s a great piece. I love that last line above all. Really liked this one!
Thanks for reading and commenting Kari. I appreciate the kind words.
Loved being inside this story.Loved this moment in particular- "“I was wrong,” I said. “There is something suspicious about that bird.”
Thanks for digging this one up, Carol, and for the kind words!
“I don't think it's a spy,” I said. “It's not wearing a trench coat or sunglasses.”
Oh, what a good line that is.
Much enjoyed, all of it.