by Tiff Holland
First Husband
My mother, wearing bright colors, as always, and with something snappy blaring on the stereo swings open the door. Mike is five four although he claims five six, and he's holding a small bouquet of grocery store flowers. I've warned him about my mother.
"My, aren't you queery looking? She says.
"These are for you." He thrusts the wilty flowers into her hand and stride down the hall, his footsteps clacking because he wears those short boots he likes. My second husband will call them "Beatle Boots." My first husband just calls them Florsheims. I call them dorky, but in any case, he isn't fazed.
I am standing at the end of the hall underneath a sort of mini-chandelier which is missing two of its dangling prisms. It is the chandelier my best friend Tracy once swung from giving my mother fits, and I believe this incident has made it the most powerful spot in the house.
"Ready?" He asks.
My mother is coming after him, but I am already ready. I have been ready all my life. She says something as we pass, but I can't hear her. I told her we're going to a haunted house, but really, we're going shooting. That would really drive her nuts. I can't believe my eyes when we get to the lake and he pops the trunk to guns, guns, a variety: pistols and rifles and a shotgun. I will wonder what I am doing. I met Mike working at a pizza parlor. He hasn't yet joined the Army. I have never been this close to any form of weaponry. Even the knives in our house are dull.
When I come home, the flowers will be in a vase in my bedroom, a plain glass vase with a chip on the top. My mother will have put them there to make a point, but I won't care. I will have shot pine cones and empty RC cola cans (the preferred beverage at the Brown household) to pieces. I will have shredded lily pads with buckshot and amazed my future husband. I will have discovered a talent I didn't know I had. I am a hell of a shot. Already it will have occurred to me, I could always shoot her.
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This is a part of a series of "first" stories, most of which involve the same characters. This story originally appeared in Smokelong Quarterly.
Ha! This is loads of fun! Fave line-
"It is the chandelier my best friend Tracy once swung from giving my mother fits, and I believe this incident has made it the most powerful spot in the house."
I'm looking forward to more of these stories.
OOOOOOOH I LOVE THIS AND YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT!!!!
This is a wonderful piece, Tiff. Fine writing. Enjoyed the read.
Thanks Sam!!
Carol- I think that's everyone's favorite line!! (including mine!)
I put it up just for you, Megster!
I dunno, the chandelier line is fab, but that stellar last line poses some stiff competition.
I just love this. the chandelier, of course, but also how you do so so much with things like "grocery store flowers." nice.
Tiff,
And I like last line best. Now, why didn't I think of that? I mean shooting dear, old Mom? Great story. Gotta put this one in my favorites file.
Very true about the last line- but I'm partial to Tracy's swinging! I'm honored to think of it in your favorites file, Jack!
Thanks Sara!
"Even the knives in our house are dull" was the line that surprised me and made me hoot! But not quite as much as the last line! FUNNY stuff, Tiff!
Thanks Barry!
Ha! Like it.
I love stories that do this thing you do here, that project the "known" future with such certainty.
"My second husband will call them "Beatle Boots." My first husband just calls them Florsheims. I call them dorky, but in any case, he isn't fazed." Doesn't get better than that around these here parts.
Really nicely woven into a full story and character revelation. Fun and well done.
Thanks Susan!
wonderful read, thank you. i like how you explore and exploit opposites and fold memories so neatly and yet disturbingly into the storyline. very well done.
Thanks Finnegan!!
Love this story, Tiff.
Thanks Kathy!
Sleek, Tiff. An exploration of so many relationships and how time changes them.
Excellent. The ending paragraph is quite amazing.
Thanks Christian!! and Katrina!
Oh, so fun. This is crisp and cool.
Thanks Jon!!
Tiff, this is so smart and engaging. Love how this ends.
Thanks Ajay! One of those- didn't know how it was going to end until it did stories...
"Even the knives in our house are dull." Great touch! And the last line made the story especially stand out! Definitely favorite.
Thanks Molly!! I really appreciate your insight!!
I loved this when I read it on SLQ. Killer last line. Another fave, "My, aren't you queery looking? She says.
hee!
Great details, great piece! It starts so strong and keeps on going.
Thanks Kari! I spoke w/ my ex today and he reminded me that my mom also said "what is your hand doing on her knee?"