quarried
by strannikov
a chosen cantaloupe a child let loose,
rolled it right down the ice cream-frozen aisle
for a strike: bounced off the back of a boot,
it toppled no pins and earned him no score.
I was the one who was wearing the boots,
in a cold Carrara quarry I'd once worn them
where marble was cut as cleanly as fruit
from the guts of that Tuscan earth yielding them both.
I thought of giving the child a good kick,
but I could not guess at the thickness of his hide,
he hid behind his mom, hugging her marble thighs.
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Author's Note
The result of a helpful (?) two-hour seminar on free verse: "cantaloupe" was a required ingredient.
Grazie, Dan Albergotti, for conducting the seminar (9 April 2016, a Saturday).
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Fun *
Love this.
Me too.
"a cold Carrara quarry / where marble was cut as cleanly as fruit / from the guts of the earth"
Really nice!
(Don't go kicking no kids!)
"I'd worn them once in a cold Carrara quarry
where marble was cut as cleanly as fruit
from the guts of the earth that yielded them both."
Wonderful details, Edward. *
Lovely! ***
*. So well done.
Fun stuff. *
What Daniel said.*
Nice close.
Good to see something so good can come out of an exercise. *
Love this:
"I thought to give the child a good kicking,
but I could not guess at the thickness of his hide"
This was a treat to read. Playfully strange.
Without claiming any actual improvement, I confess here to recasting line 9 modestly.
I like it.
***
Wonderfully Kharmsian.
Suggestions: consider deleting 'chosen' in line 1 - it dilutes the arresting surreality of the opening snapshot.
definitely consider deleting 'and as I recalled (without toppling o'er),' - its 'faux humorous' tone upsets the pitch of the poem as a whole. & the jump from boot to boot would be plausible.
Really enjoyed this, tovarishch
Grazie, all.
I agree with Sally, that turn of phrase reminds of lautremont