by Steven Gowin
They say, we have hangnails.
I say, I have a bruised leg.
They say,we stubbed our toe.
I say, I have a stomach ache.
They say, we have a headache.
I say, I have an earache.
They say, we cut our finger,
I say, my nose is bleeding.
They say, we've gone deaf.
I say, I've gone blind.
They say, we had a heart attack.
I say, I am dead.
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This piece was suggested
by Matt Dennison's
"His Mother Locks him
in at Night."
This story has no tags.
Yeah, that shit never works. They wait till the middle of the night and then vomit. That ruins your sleep. You drag around all day smelling of throw-up. Better to just let them win at 'headache.'
So was this already written, or did you write it as homage to Mattster?
This definitely came to mind when I read Matt's piece but is a game the kids and I used to play. We'd end up on the floor in stitches sometimes.
fun nice work.
Hmmm. Nice descent.
("Dead! It's the New Ninety!")
(oh! just saw your author's note!)
You've caught that back and forth between the child and the adult nicely and with no small amount of skill. The repetition moves me right along, eager for the next exchange. And I admire that brave decision to move away from simple announcements to those of "bleeding" and "deafness" and "blindness". Finely crafted poem, Steven.
Interesting one-upmanship, good poem.
Inspired, animated, to the point. *
Really cool poem. :)
Love it. :)
I dig this a lot Steve! And I can see how Matt's would inspire. Skillful use of sparring dialogue. So much takes place in this spare space. Way to go!
Fave.
Ha! Very funny and, alas, so true. Peace *
Well done Steven!* So very, very true
You get points for the one-upmanship. That will learn 'em ! (grin)
Really great!
this is great for its tone and its truth and the underlying subtle/ not-so subtle emotion of it *