Polyester Purgatory

I let out a breath at the end. So mean but somehow compassionate at the same time and spot on. I would change only one thing-- the preposition "of" to "from" in "breath stale of cigarettes..." Startling juxtaposition of images. Well done. *

Thanks JP... Love your tumblr page. Inspiring!

Sad, but filled with truth. fave

'while rubbing their necks and wrists/searching for the pulse.'

that line got to me. powerful stuff. peace...

Nice little sketch. Great punch line: the stoic bartender. Hate to admit it, but I've been there, done that. *

Thanks for the comments... Jack we may have been sitting next to each other.

Somehow the fact that it's a hotel bar makes the fate of these women all the sadder. The imagery with the women's breath is intense and vivid. Great piece. *

uhm... this is powerful as hell. great writing, sir.

Whoa, must have missed this. Helluva finish.

fave

Intense, visceral writing. Wracked with emotional truths. Fave.

Thank you Greg, Meg, James and Robert... coming from all of you, this means a lot to me.

Strong imagery, Robert. Really like the form here - and that's a great closing.

Thanks Sam... it's amazing how well we write what we know and experience. I need a drink.

Robert,
I saw you revised this. Like that version even more than I do this. You can edit this if you want.

"coming up short at the moon" or
"coming up short of the moon"?

I think "at the moon" works because it implies the women are attempting to fly into space, yet are stopped at the moon and can go no further.

Thanks Bill.. JP that is what I was implying. Parts of me feel that this is incomplete... so I will come back to it someday soon.

Robert,
I loved this!! "Worn out women,
widowed by dreams.
They line the bar beside me." Memorable images in here!!! Nice!! ****

Wonderful imagery and original stand-alone phrasing.

good stuff!