Sgt. Nelson, KIA
She knelt on damp ground and stared
at the name chiseled on the granite headstone.
A stone quarried by a stranger
and inscribed by a failed sculptor.
Amy Nelson didn't hear breezes rustle dying leaves,
she didn't bow her head.
She didn't feel the coldness enter her knees
and rise up the torso to her heart.
“You are always on my mind,” she whispered.
She tried to stand but the earth beneath her knees
held her tight.
|
4
favs |
1580 views
13 comments |
82 words
All rights reserved. |
Author's Note
When stats came out of the Iraqi Oil-Lie War stating 4,100 U.S. troops had died in vain, I had to say something without being "preachy".
Other stories by Ramon Collins
Tags
Comments
You must
log in
to post comments.
Enjoyed this poem, Ramon. The great sense of loss and hurt comes through in these brief lines. Excellent ending.
Comments from a master -- thank you, Sam. Sgt. Nelson started as an anti-war Micro at about 300 words. I worked on it two weeks and it ended at 77.
The story doesn't need to be more than 77 words because you've painted this moment so well. I feel the cold ground. Nice work, Ramon.
Thank you, Tina. I appreciate your encouragement, time and kind comment.
such a moving story ramon. you didn't need 300 words, this was exactly what it needed.
Thank you, Estelle. While working on this Micro a sculptor's advice to a student came to mind: "To make horse, take a block of stone and knock off everything that doesn't look like a horse." I tried to knock off every word that didn't tell the story.
Ramon, I think you succeeded beautifully in doing exactly what you set out to do. It is a fitting protest, and tribute.
Lou: Thanks for the read.
I spent 10 months in combat in Korea (old coot) and the underlying message I tried to present is "Soldiers die, memories don't." (hey, that's pretty good -- I'll have to use it)
Wos, this is good. Thank you for writing it.
And I thank you for reading it and commenting, Beate.
This is marvelous micro, Ramon. It breaks the heart and speaks so bravely. Not preachy at all. Truthful, real.
Superb last lines.
Michelle: It started longer and as I rewrote and revised it grew shorter and sadder. I had to do something for the troops that were duped into the Oil War. Again, thank you.
Thanks for the read and comment, Ajay -- I appreciate both.