leave the dog, take the cannoli

by Kitty Boots

all that glitters is not
booty dust

revenge is a dish best served
with proper utensils

it is better to have loved and lost than have
contracted a STD

a bird in the hand is worth
$350 (Green cheek conure, Petco)

it is better to be safe than

a day late and a dollar short
does not necessarily mean you're pregnant unless you've just been stupid and bought your pregnancy test at Dollar Tree

he who laughs last
is probably a dumbass fuck

turn the other cheek
but, only if your bathing suit is not riding up your ass

life is like a box of chocolates
until you find the thumbprint of everyone who has already squished it, exposing the filling
give a man a fish, you feed him for a day
teach him how to fish and he'll scrape the ocean floor, destroy the sea

all we have to fear is

Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright
they just seem a little weird

Surrender, surrender