Hey Jude
by J.L.
He tells me it's weird I always sit with one leg tucked underneath me, and that I'm a bad driver who's going to kill us both. I laugh too loud cause the world looks good that way and for a minute we both make funny sounds just to exercise our vocal cords and see how close we can come to the line without crossing. After the library we switch seats and he drives for groceries while I pretend my hand is in flight out the window. We stop again, for fruit and milk and other things, and on the way back to the car he holds my hand and I skip for a step before kissing his shoulder. I sing 'Hey Jude' for the eight-hundredth time because it's stuck in my head and I've started to replace the lyrics with other words that make no sense but almost rhyme so they're like a game. We wonder if there really are reptilians from space pretending to be humans and if it's illegal to hold a topless picnic in a neighborhood because someone said they did and he doesn't believe it. Neither do I.
Na na na, na-na na na
Na-na na na, hey Jude...
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Very nice. Love that first line.
Sounds like a fun afternoon
;-)
Oh no, now I've got that going on in my head too! Na-na na na, hey Jude. Nice piece, I enjoyed reading it, Jenny. Fav
"I laugh too loud because the world looks good that way" YES!! thats a great line. This captures a moment in time very well and is perfect for the flash fiction format.
I like this a lot. It is scary and sweet. There is a self-destructive moment and then it goes on like a song...
I agree with Meg, the element of danger or a moment of self-destruction makes this exciting. The changing of lyrics creates that for me, the idea one can change things into non-sense. Well done.
I agree with the comment about the first line. Very awesome. I love the flow. This piece breathes on its own. Beautiful flow going on here. Are you expanding it? I think you could. I think this could go a long, long way.
You had me at “Hey Jude.” I really like this!
So much to like here..I laugh too loud cause the world looks good that way.. After the library we switch seats and he drives for groceries while I pretend my hand is in flight out the window.. We wonder if there really are reptilians from space pretending to be humans and if it's illegal to hold a topless picnic in a neighborhood..good stuff.