Please Do Not Blame Me

by Jill Chan

You know that I tried my best

with what resources I have.


If love were a resource,

I'd be the poorer one.


You'd mine it

for everyone.


Meanwhile, I'd steady myself

with you,


your blame

my constant source.


I don't know the way.

I was blind like everyone


in love was.  I felt with all

my parts the way to you,


the ruggedness of a heart

I stumbled to pretend.


But I did not pretend.

I was disappointed with love,


and like everyone else,

stammered out of love


into a place horrified

with meaning.


And you were the understanding

I left behind.  You were the nature


of this love. Only, I felt it

when I left you—all my leaving


returned like a gathering,

a hesitation considered.


Everything I made of you

I unmade with my mind.


You answered with whatever

I did not give. That you were


not closed to my wishes,

and that you were not waiting.