Untouched By Me, Alas!

by Jerry Ratch


Another run-in with the police happened one night in Elmhurst. I was seeing this girl I'd met in my Shakespeare night class at Elmhurst College. She and I and Andy and a friend of hers, I think, were parked in front of her house, drinking a six pack of beer when her father came out of her front door at the exact moment a squad car came up the street. I don't know if her father called the cops or what. We were being pretty rowdy out front, and he knew I was with his daughter. When I realized the cops were coming I slipped out of the passenger side of my car and dumped all the cans down a sewer drain by the curb.

            The girl's father yanked his daughter out of the car, and the cops put me and Andy in the squad car and took us down to the Elmhurst police station. It must have been about midnight. Real late, I remember, because when the cops called our parents to come get us, Andy's dad showed up in his pajamas and street shoes, brown ones, I think. He didn't even bother to pull on a pair of pants or a normal shirt, he was so upset that his son had been taken in for suspected drinking. (I was a bad influence, apparently, on nearly everyone I came in contact with!)

            I was dating Sharon, at the time. I don't know if you ever heard about this one, because I didn't want Sharon to hear about me being with another girl. I can't even remember who it was, though I know it was Elmhurst where we were taken in by the police.

            My dad had to come down to the station too. Can't remember what he said about that one. He wasn't too pleased, but hell, they never actually caught us with the booze. I think we just kept denying that we had any, and nobody could prove it, so they just remanded us to our parents' custody, and that was that.

            Obviously, I never saw that girl again! And she had a really well-developed chest too, (like Sharon), which alas (as they say in Shakespeare all the time) remained untouched by me!