by Jamey Genna
The last time the two of them were together, they walked over to the liquor-grocery store around the corner from his place to buy a pack of cigarettes.
They'd been making love and then they wanted a smoke, and neither of them had a pack. They were both trying to quit.
“I'm quitting,” she told him after they bought the pack. “Right after I smoke this last one.”
They were standing next to her car, leaning on it, smoking, trying to say goodbye.
“You keep the pack,” she said to him.
“No,” he said. “I'm quitting, too.”
He threw the pack down into the street, but it was a mutual decision.
After the affair was over, she told her husband she'd been smoking. Obviously he didn't know, but he knew. One can never hide the fact that one has been smoking.
He said he could smell it on her.
She told him she quit. She didn't tell him that she only wanted to smoke by herself or with the other man. This thought made her sad. It made her want to cry.
Her husband tried to get in on the act. It was his way of reconciling.
For example, she and her husband would be walking down the street, walking by someone who was smoking, and since the cat was already out of the bag, she'd say, “God, that smells so good. That makes me want to smoke.”
And he'd say, yeah, and start to reminisce about how he used to smoke in his twenties, occasionally—on occasion.
She assumed occasionally anyway. She knew he smoked dope in his twenties. That's what her husband got thrown into treatment for—marijuana still in his system when he checked in for his annual “piss test” at his job. God, she hated it when men said the word piss. Like they were so proud of it—the word piss, because that was something only men seemed able to do. Piss. It was a word that belonged to them. Well, they could have it.
Then her husband would go on a little about brands, cigarette brands he had tried. She always just scowled at him gently on the outside and laughed a little at him inside. He didn't really smoke. It was his way of gaining back some kind of intimate advantage he'd lost to the other man. This thought made her want to cry, too. Most things made her want to cry. A cigarette would've taken care of that emotion.
When she ran into the other man a year or so later, he said he had quit smoking for good.
She said, “Why?”
And he said, “I missed you too much.”
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This story was published in Vestal Review.
The tone is just right. Both the title and the repeated phrase "made her want to cry" work a little less well for me than the story otherwise. Story: star.
I agree. I almost took out "made her want to cry." I almost ended it sooner. I almost called it "Quitting." But then I sent it off. I think it's like that b/c it's an older story. I think she's mocking herself a little...remember when Ren and Stimpy used to say, "And then you'll cryyyyy." Thanks for the read.
i love the image of the husband sniffing the cigarette smoke and saying "God, that smells so good." That really resonated with me, I envisioned him on the street doing it. Incidentally, am I the only one who pictures someone looking strikingly like himself whenever a male character is introduced? The same principle would apply for female characters (for women readers).
I also really liked the stuff about "piss." I have definitely heard guys use the word piss like they own it. That portion of the story, to me, really said a lot about the narrator and how she viewed her husband/the man/men.
Really enjoyed this.
Hee, really liked your Ren and Stimpy reference. It's weird but I don't remember them saying "And then you'll cry...." I just remember them beating the crap out of each other. But that sounds like something they'd say. And I can see, after your comment, the narrator's self mocking.
This story stands up really well. I love the VR. I still have an ongoing promise to myself to not quit writing (again) until I get in there (or, at least get a personal rejection). D
The writing here is flawless and the story holds so much familiarity in both types of relationships--that of marriage and of the affair--that I found myself smiling.
The smoking too--as a recent rehab'd smoker--adds to the deceit as if cheating in love weren't enough.
I like this because it is real.
I really love this story! Very real and tangible world you've created. the smoking functions as a unifying element weaved through the story--not only signifying the connection between the woman and her lover, but the distance between the woman and her husband. Of course when she quits smoking, she quits the lover--brilliant. smoking was also a perfect choice of vices and you do well with paralleling the two things (an affair and smoking) the addictive nature, the difficulty stopping, knowing it is horrible for you and everyone around you, etc--excellent. well done!! thanks for the read.
I love the ease of this story. It feels really natural. Good work.
Nodding my head throughout. This piece lives and breathes.
"A cigarette would have taken care of that emotion." Yep.
Wow, lots of strong reactions. Maybe we should all right a story involving smoking or some other vice it's hard to give up. Thanks so much for the comments, everyone.
That's write not right, or is it?
Love the whole smoking taking the place of the deeper break in intimacy and how you extend that out. Of course, when I read Vestal Review published it, that made total sense--it had to be good.
Love this - what an unexpected love story - just wonderful, Jamey.
I love Fictionaut. Where else can you find out such nice things about a story you wrote a long while ago. Thanks again for all your comments.
I dug the ending.
Thanks, Eric. I wondered whether to cut it, but thought it brought it where it needed to land.
Ha, Jamey, your "right v. write" cracked me up.
I echo your comments about Fictionaut. I've gotten more comments on a single story posting here than I've ever gotten from my published stories combined.
In fact, I'm going to try my first cigarette right............
NOW.
I hope you're not going to smoke it. Make it smoke in your writing, though. Thanks, David. I always enjoy reading your work.
Just amazing. just amazing.
Thanks, Meg. Don't you like it when the cat's out of the bag. Hee hee.
Great writing and plot. Almost looks effortlessly rendered.
i'm now trying to stop smoking again, too, which should not distract from the fact that this is a wonderful, enjoyable story. you manage to scape out the inside of an affair so well. one of those where new reading brings new pleasure.
I think scrape out is how quitting smoking feels--nice metaphor.
A well written piece, Jamey. Great form and rhythm.
Thanks, Sam.
Wisely conceptualized and perfectly executed story. Bingo.