Wasps' Nest

by Jake Barnes

Here's how you do it. First you get a ladder, a long one. Then you get a golf club or a broom. Hang onto your weapon with one hand as you climb the ladder. When you are within striking distance, stop. Check the nest. Are there wasps coming in and out? If so, launch the attack. Give the nest a smack with your weapon. Knock it down if you can. If you can't, get off the ladder; get your feet on the ground so that you can run. Climb down, jump. Get down any way you can.


Do not open the screen door to the cabin. Do not let the wasps inside. If you do, head immediately for the front door of the cabin. Exit. Run to the lake and jump in. Hold your breath. Stay under water until the angry wasps go away. If you come up for air, they will sting you. Of course if you do not, you will drown.


Hope against hope that no family members or friends witness your brave but misguided assault. Pray that no one has a camera handy. Do not tell anybody about your escapade. If you do, you are in for a long summer. Everybody in town will hear about it, and they will never let you forget about it. Never.