Wingless messenger
He fell at my feet
I was talking to a group of people
I presumed his wing was hurt as
he kept hopping around my feet
even as I walked to the rear yard he followed me.
I found a carton, but as I attempted
to lay it over him, he suddenly
jumped up onto the fence.
He sat up there gazing at me for a few moments.
What was he trying to tell me?
suddenly he flew away
I was talking to a group of people
I presumed his wing was hurt as
he kept hopping around my feet
even as I walked to the rear yard he followed me.
I found a carton, but as I attempted
to lay it over him, he suddenly
jumped up onto the fence.
He sat up there gazing at me for a few moments.
What was he trying to tell me?
suddenly he flew away
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Gorgeous and mystical. And as Simon Perchik likes to say: a little spooky the way a poem should be.
*
Like a caress!
Susan & Beate, I thank you both for 2 different takes on this poem. That makes it very interesting.
Really arresting and interesting for such a simple piece. *
Deceptively simple. You draw the reader in & he/she can't help but play the game. Great! *
Larry and Jack, your comments are so appreciated.
Thanks
Enjoyed the poem, Estelle. Nice work.
Good poem, Estelle.
Consider ending with "What was he trying to tell me?" It's stronger.
He sat up there gazing at me for a few moments.
Suddenly he flew away.
What was he trying to tell me?
*
very good writing. I love the simplicity here. This is where you shine bright. Fave.
Beautiful, Estelle. You shine bright in all you do, and this piece fits right in. *
thanks Bill,your comments are appreciatd.
Meg I really am happy you like this one
Oh Foster, how sweet and kind.
This made a happy day for me.
Estelle, this has your signature elegance and pared down essentials, like a fable or a koan. I agree with Bill Y.'s suggestions, perhaps consider ending with the self-imposed question which then leaves the reader with the same impetus? Fave.
Robert, you are probably both correct, but you know me! It is what it is.
Many thanks to you both.