Explaining To A Dog
by Ed Higgins
My wife tells me
your dog has vomited
on the carpet AGAIN!
And I am going to
rub your nose in it
if you don't explain
to him this is so fucking rude!
And so I tell the dog
vomiting on the carpet
is totally unacceptable.
If this happens again
both the carpet and I
are going to vomit on him.
My black Lab tilts his head
looking puzzled as I explain this.
The carpet is wondering
why the idiot dog is wagging
its tail and smiling warmly.
The carpet is disgusted
and throws the dog
a shit-for-brains look. A small spider
scuttles across a corner
of the carpet, disappearing
behind the TV cabinet—
worrying what will come
next, fearing the rolled
up newspaper he sees
in my wife's hand as she
enters the living room
bent on further correction.
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Author's Note
The poem's mildly autobiographical (like, who hasn't had a dog vomit on their carpet), but I own whippets & my wife would never be so rude--altho I do catch hell if one of "my" dogs urps-up in the house. The piece is in the current issue of the online journal Glassfire Magazine: .
Hah. I have cats. They hurk very pointedly on things. Dogs are at least apologetic. :D
All happy dogs are happy in the same way.
This scenario made me smile, all the way through!
I can see the Lab's puzzled look.
I'm with the spider.
Agree with Frankie. Cats NEVER apologize. Why should they? *
"bent on further correction"
Perfect.
This is exactly, perfectly right.*
Thanx for reading/commenting. A hoot of a tragic-comic semi-auto-bio poem, of course! hey, Frankie, even cats hurl on the carpet, no??