Explaining To A Dog

by Ed Higgins

My wife tells me

your dog has vomited

on the carpet AGAIN!

And I am going to

rub your nose in it

if you don't explain

to him this is so fucking rude!

And so I tell the dog

vomiting on the carpet

is totally unacceptable.

If this happens again

both the carpet and I

are going to vomit on him.

My black Lab tilts his head 

looking puzzled as I explain this.

The carpet is wondering

why the idiot dog is wagging

its tail and smiling warmly.

The carpet is disgusted

and throws the dog

a shit-for-brains look. A small spider

scuttles across a corner

of the carpet, disappearing

behind the TV cabinet—

worrying what will come

next, fearing the rolled 

up newspaper he sees

in my wife's hand as she

enters the living room

bent on further correction.