Souvenir Des Choses du Passé
by David James
Let's say maybe you're in a place your mind has never left, and let's say maybe it's Mississippi, and let's say maybe it's summer with kudzu throbbing green all around you, and let's say maybe she's a Sagittarius girl, standing in that driveway with her young breasts introducing her young tan body, and let's say maybe you're a Leo boy in calculus, staring out the window, but in your mind writing a letter to her, her of the homecoming, her of deep thoughts, her of her body and let's say you kissed her, standing in that driveway on that Sunday night beneath a cracked blue dusk when she was perfect and you loved her in your silent way, listening to what she would say, her voice making a home for you, but then let's say maybe she moved and your world went dark... .
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Author's Note
I condensed this down a bit from longer story to put it in a single sentence format. Maybe it's not only condensed, but also squashed.
Other stories by David James
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David, would you consider cutting the word "dark" and just leaving a blank there, like just the 3 dots, maybe?
Thanks, Jerry. Point taken. Change made.
I really liked this one. Tugged at the heart strings for sure.*
Yes.
Oh. This is beautiful and heartbreaking. **
Once in a lifetime... *
Skillful writing,*
Good writing, David. Always fascinated by the one-sentence form.
Not squashed. Full bodied.
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Puts us right in the moment. I like the one sentence format here. It works very well. *
Lots of life breathed into this one-sentence piece, and I admire the compression utilized, David! The harrowing heartache, and lovely visual prose leapt from the page. I like Jerry's idea of ending one word earlier...
Fave.
Love it so much I'd like to see a few extra words. Tender story.*
Yes, as Brenda said, tender story, and sad. Loved it.