Godfrey part 2: Marjory's bag
by Claire King
“Wondered if I could get your thoughts on a matter of some delicacy?”
“By all means, dear boy. Fire away”
“About ladies'… ahem … bags.”
“Bags, eh? More port, Godfrey?”
“Don't mind if I do. Most kind.”
“Bags, you say?”
“Yes. Marjory's bag in particular.“
“Not sure I'm much of an authority on bags, dear boy.”
“Nor me. Part of the problem really.”
“What seems to be the trouble?”
“Marjory's bag. Not what it was.”
“What it was?”
“When we met. She had a very nice little bag back then. New one.”
“Something special?”
“Special? No, no. Quite the contrary. Rather plain, neat, very charming. Discrete, you might say.”
“This really is an excellent cigar.”
“Thank you.”
“Terrible about Fortescue, by the way.”
“Awful.”
“And the cricket.”
“Oh, let's not.”
“No.”
“Between you and me, I'm quite fascinated by bags. Out of admiration of course, nothing sordid.”
“Of course not, who would suggest such a thing?”
“Really quite astonished at what the Missis has managed to produce out of such a tiny bag over the years. Capacity wise. All things considered it's lasted rather well.”
“Goodness yes, sometimes Audrey produces entire picnics from hers.”
“Picnics? I…That's to say, when I say bag, what I mean to say is…”
“Oh I see! Oh good gracious, how silly I am. Terribly sorry.”
“My fault entirely.”
“So, of course, Marjory's bag…”
“Become a little worn. Rather thin and bashed about. Which I understand is not unusual for ladies d'un certain age. So I suggested she get a new one.”
“I say.”
“Yes. Know a chap. you see: Staughton. He's in the business, as it were, very respectable. Gave his wife a new one last month. By all accounts they're both quite delighted.”
“Well then, that sounds like just the ticket. Perhaps I should speak to Audrey about it too.”
“Marjory was most put out.”
“Oh?”
“She says that new bags are terribly nouveau. Said that her bag is perfectly serviceable. An extravagance, she called it. Spent the rest of the afternoon lopping the heads off flowers.”
“Good gracious. Nouveau, did she say?”
“Terribly nouveau.”
“My word, old boy, it's a minefield.”
“By all means, dear boy. Fire away”
“About ladies'… ahem … bags.”
“Bags, eh? More port, Godfrey?”
“Don't mind if I do. Most kind.”
“Bags, you say?”
“Yes. Marjory's bag in particular.“
“Not sure I'm much of an authority on bags, dear boy.”
“Nor me. Part of the problem really.”
“What seems to be the trouble?”
“Marjory's bag. Not what it was.”
“What it was?”
“When we met. She had a very nice little bag back then. New one.”
“Something special?”
“Special? No, no. Quite the contrary. Rather plain, neat, very charming. Discrete, you might say.”
“This really is an excellent cigar.”
“Thank you.”
“Terrible about Fortescue, by the way.”
“Awful.”
“And the cricket.”
“Oh, let's not.”
“No.”
“Between you and me, I'm quite fascinated by bags. Out of admiration of course, nothing sordid.”
“Of course not, who would suggest such a thing?”
“Really quite astonished at what the Missis has managed to produce out of such a tiny bag over the years. Capacity wise. All things considered it's lasted rather well.”
“Goodness yes, sometimes Audrey produces entire picnics from hers.”
“Picnics? I…That's to say, when I say bag, what I mean to say is…”
“Oh I see! Oh good gracious, how silly I am. Terribly sorry.”
“My fault entirely.”
“So, of course, Marjory's bag…”
“Become a little worn. Rather thin and bashed about. Which I understand is not unusual for ladies d'un certain age. So I suggested she get a new one.”
“I say.”
“Yes. Know a chap. you see: Staughton. He's in the business, as it were, very respectable. Gave his wife a new one last month. By all accounts they're both quite delighted.”
“Well then, that sounds like just the ticket. Perhaps I should speak to Audrey about it too.”
“Marjory was most put out.”
“Oh?”
“She says that new bags are terribly nouveau. Said that her bag is perfectly serviceable. An extravagance, she called it. Spent the rest of the afternoon lopping the heads off flowers.”
“Good gracious. Nouveau, did she say?”
“Terribly nouveau.”
“My word, old boy, it's a minefield.”
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Author's Note
First published at Voices, this is Godfrey's second outing where we hear a little of his wife.
We first meet Godfrey here: http://www.fictionaut.com/stories/claire-king/godfrey-part-1-godfreys-penis
Other stories by Claire King
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"Spent the rest of the afternoon lopping the heads off flowers.”
Wonderful!
Typo:
"So I suggested she got a new one.”
I like that this story consists only of dialogue. Nice work...
Claire, this is hilarious! Where did you get the gift of this type dialog?
Claire, I'm sorry, but I'm laughing s'hard I can't think of an intelligent thing to say about this other than the fact that it's perfect.
Absolute fave
It absolutely *is* perfect. Reminds me of the type of stuff the (very) old Playboy used to print.
How is old Fortescue, the old rake?
Such fun to read. So hard not to start talking this way afterward!
it's a minefield alright, but not for you, my lady. you walk right through the class clichés, dispensing cigars left and courtesy right. particularly gratifying in a time so difficult for global cricket. did i mention that i love godfrey?
someone tagged this story 'vagina'. most distasteful, unfortescue and inappropriate, don't you think?
I say, this is special! Got me chuckling, and I couldn't stop. Fav.
Great voice in this, Claire!
Thank you lovely people for enjoying Godfrey and commenting!
@Bill you sure do have eagle eyes!
@Matt I have never been compared to Playboy before. I love that!
@Marcus Vagina? Goodness gracious me!
@Jack Hope you feel better about the penis thing now.
"Really quite astonished at what the Missis has managed to produce out of such a tiny bag over the years. Capacity wise. All things considered it's lasted rather well"
Such grudgingly funny appreciation! Like this series.
Just plain fun. Very well done. Clever. Proper and circumspect. I see John Cleese as Godfrey. More.
Thank you Martin - I think John Cleese would be perfect for the part. I shall have words with his agent!
Kim - thanks a lot. I think Godfrey is a bit of an old duffer but he means no harm.
Oh man, do I love these two. I can see them cuddled up before the fire, drinking from their fine-cut crystal, maybe one has a pince-nez, and the dialogue is just terrific. Oh, please, I do need a Godfrey -3! John Cleese would be perfect. *