Chalky goes to night school and studies the Classics

by Walter Bjorkman

Distinguished Classics Professor:

“Theseus walked through the maze to the Minotaur's lair, sent there to slay the beast, saving Athens from having to send 7 virgin men & 7 virgin women as an offering every 9 years, when the full moon falls on the equinox.”

Night Student Chalky:

“It doesn't make any sense. This Minos guy gets cuckolded by a bull, I can hear the jokes now:

‘Minos, Pasiphae and a bull walk into a bar . .'

‘How many Cretins does it take to screw a Pasiphae? . .'

And I don't even want to think about Aethra shtupping Posiden and Aegeus at the same time. Then that Daedalus — he builds a maze that only he knows the way out of? That had to be a scam to get the virgins for himself — maybe Icarus was in on it too.

Then we got Ariadne — she was supposed to be a real babe, 'cause Theseus is willing. Well, the choice is take her help and get hitched, or get eaten alive. She could'a been the second coming of one of LBJ's daughters and I know I'd do it!

Finally Theseus' pop, Aegeus. So the kid forgets to raise the flag as he sails in to show he is alive, and Aegeus throws himself to the fishes. Like I called my pops everytime I said I would — he didn't take a header off the Brooklyn Bridge!

I tell ya — they all had a few loose screws!”