Claudine
by Tina Barry
Lawrence is heavy and I'm soft. Our bodies aren't as pretty as they were 30 years ago. Ee-ah, ee-ah the bed squeaks.
Our evening begins: ee-ah, ee-ah; Brie and bread, a fitting snack for our time in this French village; a post-coital chat on the window seat. Shutters open, the aromas of warm sidewalks and dogs, a woman's perfume. We sip wine. Below us, across a narrow lane, is the terrace of Madame Claudine's café. She bends over and wipes a table with slow, distracted strokes. “She's as tiny as a tart,” Lawrence said. He's got the “tart” part right. Kohl-rimmed eyes crinkle in the corners, and her wide smile of delight “Bon Jour!” is reserved for male customers.
Claudine disappears into the café then emerges with a gold lame bag slung over a shoulder. A huge padlock sits heavily in her hand. She slams down the eatery's front gate, pushes the lock closed and looks up.
“Ah! Monsieur Lah-ree,” she yells. “You are the king of all the land!” as if our perch is his throne.
“And you, Madame Claudine,” Lawrence calls, “are my enchanting subject.”
“Ah,” she says, patting her frizz of bleached yellow hair.
“Bonne Nuit, Madame.” I'm the interloper ruining her fun.
She lifts her head, nose heavenward. There's a wet spot on my dress from our lovemaking, its aroma as heady as Claudine's bouillabaisse. I hope she smells it.
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Author's Note
"Claudine" is lighter than my usual angst-ridden stuff. It's posted in the fall issue of Boston Literary Magazine:http://www.bostonliterarymagazine.com/fall10quick.html
Other stories by Tina Barry
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I loved the setting, the people, the scenario, and then that killer last line! Laughed and loved it.
Really. This is fiction perfection.
Glad you liked it, Susan. And thanks for the star!
Good piece, Tina. Nice work - "Claudine disappears into the café then emerges with a gold lame bag slung over a shoulder. A huge padlock sits heavily in her hand. She slams down the eatery's front gate, pushes the lock closed and looks up." I like it.
A lovely scene, well executed. I like it, too.
Thanks Sam and Kim. I appreciate the kind words and the stars!
Perfect. Expertly written, a delightful read, from the ee-ahs at the beginning, to the slam-bang ending. A little jewel. Fav.
Oh hell yeah on the ending. The last five lines are set up so well by the great lines before ("frizz of bleached yellow hair" in particular). Well done.
Thanks Jack and David. Glad you enjoyed the read and thanks, Jack, for the star!
Nice, Tina. Excellent descriptions, and the exchange near the end with the closing paragraph is top notch stuff.
Thank you, Christian!
This was a delight to read. Nice ending, absolutely. and the details are perfect.
Thanks, Meg. You made my day!
Ah, mais c'est merveilleu! Une petite histoire entièrement charmante avec un soupçon délicieux d'amour. Bravo Claudine; bravo Tina!
Merci beaucoup, Paul!
Well done, Tina! Enjoyed this.
Thanks Bill.
CLAUDINE starts with a literary voice; . . . aromas of warm sidewalks and dogs . . . then Wham! it shifts gears; He's got the “tart” part right. Catty, catty, catty. The protagonist resents the young tart's attention to Monsieur Lah-ree. Who can blame her with all that "king" jazz first thing in the morning? Aha! the wet spot will cool Madame Claudine's radiator.
CLAUDINE is a natural for the 52/250 Group. Wonderful concise storytelling -- every word does a job. Fav.
As true to life as it gets. Ah, me! *
Thanks for the reread, Jack. Glad "Claudine" still rings true.