Note to Vera Wang
by Steven Gowin
Vera Wang I saw you on Oprah today girl. Oh no no no.
This is HD television now sweetie, and you are scare eeee. We can see everything, ehv ery thing, and that is way too much pancake, and way too too orange, and it is NOT my TV, missy. Those are putty marks, darlin', knifed on soooo so think. Something your dermatologist knows that we don't?
But you say this look works. What's the problem? HD is the problem, honey lamb child. High Definition. A microscope on your pores. You got the good skin, you are an angel baby.
Otherwise we're talking zit vision. One thing you can't do is hide it all though. That is, on the 1 to 10, a minus 99, the worst. So you just go right on ahead then, girl if you want to… you like it so much. I'm just sayin,' I'm just sayin' is all.
And I know you don't wanna know what I think. But Baby, if I were Mr. or Ms. Camera Person or Mr. or Ms. Director Person, your new name would be “Never Push in Tight On Vera … Medium Shot Only” Wang.
That's what I'm talkin' about. Mmmm hmmm.
|
11
favs |
1274 views
11 comments |
212 words
All rights reserved. |
Author's Note
This story appeared a few years back in Wufniks.
Other stories by Steven Gowin
Tags
This story has no tags.
Could be one o' them new rubber masks The Onion was telling us about. *
Always good stuff from you, Steve. **
*, Steve. Let me guess. I like the good writing you use to tell us that Vera In her Oprah visit makeup does nothing for your "wang".
Oh boy!*
The shade of it all.*
No hiding. Good read, Steve.
When celebrity goes awry.
Why did it take HDTV to reveal all the imperfections of vapid TV? Great note. *
Loved it. The voice is strong in this one, Luke.***
This reminds me of the voice of a producer or assistant who has the great power to hurt someone with his commercial angles, and then she will step on the stage and give her confidence to the payers, anyway. I saw Vera Wang on Oprah! And that is how I first learned of her. And once I bought a pair of tall sleek black clogs, and they had leather soles that were polished, and they slid on both carpet and floor, and I returned them due to their impractical yet pretty problems. *
Good one, Steven *