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Real As Your Underwear


by Shawn Misener


He predicted narwhals would take to flight

because

like unicorns they would shed normalcy

in favor of mystical beast status


I held out the five dollar bill

reread his sign out loud

“proffissy for a price”


yes yes yes he nodded


but I don't care about narwhales

or mystical beasts as a whole

if you really must know


not worth five dollars I concluded


no no no he shook his head

everybody should care greatly

when unicorns took to flight

the poles shifted

the world flooded

and Pangaea busted open like calloused palm


so unicorns... they came before the dinosaurs?

I smirked


he spit at my toes and gruffly asked

if I really bought that Darwin-shit

no such thing as dinosaurs

bible says so, explicitly


but unicorns...

I started


real as your underwear

he insisted,

snatching my money and running

leaving his crutches like lonely giraffe bones

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