Real As Your Underwear

by Shawn Misener

He predicted narwhals would take to flight


like unicorns they would shed normalcy

in favor of mystical beast status

I held out the five dollar bill

reread his sign out loud

“proffissy for a price”

yes yes yes he nodded

but I don't care about narwhales

or mystical beasts as a whole

if you really must know

not worth five dollars I concluded

no no no he shook his head

everybody should care greatly

when unicorns took to flight

the poles shifted

the world flooded

and Pangaea busted open like calloused palm

so unicorns... they came before the dinosaurs?

I smirked

he spit at my toes and gruffly asked

if I really bought that Darwin-shit

no such thing as dinosaurs

bible says so, explicitly

but unicorns...

I started

real as your underwear

he insisted,

snatching my money and running

leaving his crutches like lonely giraffe bones