SYCAMORE STREET MORNING
She yanked the front door open and jammed hands on her hips, "Out ALL night!"
Molly brushed past, plopped down on the sofa. "I'm a grownup now, mother."
"Were you a guest in a crummy motel?"
"N-o-o-o, a cool summer cabin."
Mother glanced out the corner of one eye, "Any activity?"
"Activity?"
"S- E- X -- ever heard of it?"
Molly swung her legs up onto the sofa, "Possibly."
"OK, Smart-mouth -- you think about pregnancy?"
"No worry."
"Oh, Robbie is a doctor after one year in college?
Molly swung her legs down.
"I was with Hannah. Ever heard of it?”
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Author's Note
I "pruned & polished" this story down from over 200 words to under 100 for a writing class. Does it work?
Other stories by Ramon Collins
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Will be back to read this, Ramon...
*, Ramon. More of your fine writing. Great story. I'm glad to see you're posting work here...again.
Very succinct and clever.
It would be interesting to see the 200 word version, Ramon. Post it below this one. I'd like to see what you cut in this story. I think this version works, insofar as it delivers only what we need to get the idea with the last line serving as a gotcha to the mom. At any rate, it's a good exercise for any writer to try. *
Heh heh heh heh. *
Yeah, it makes its point neatly. *
Hi Ramon!
I've missed you. Yeah, it works! *
I think it works.Good punch!*
Love the ending. Full of gusto. "*"
I say it works - kicks hard and sizzles with that certain kind of teenage angst. Well done.*
Amusing. Can hear those voices. The daughter's turn-around of her mother's accusing phrase is priceless! Really nice piece.
A Saturday Night Live skit. Badda Boom!