How to Have a Dinner Party

One - 

Invite those surviving in your memory. 

Two - 

Too often cubed, serve cheese in large portions as it puts guests into a coma. Oh, and no wine. It is a fat tradition and will give one opinions. 

Three - 

Disagreeable, but we need them - toothpicks are thee acoustic guitars of pre dinner conversation. Accompany a scotch list for the men with ascots. 

Four -

Sherbet is hard cash. 

Five - 

Leave early. Have someone likable tell a grand lie: The event was too simple. You are sorry for leading them on and must insist they fuck themselves.