Attacking Panic

A great premise, having the monk as backdrop outside the poem. A contrast for "Oops, now my sense of urgency is torn between focusing" and a settling point for the closing:

"I know of one whose answer spans the void between conceit"

The basic acts/images of the walk, peeing, cheese Danish, writing the next line (This is a strong rip in the universe's fabric - in the same way as the concepts shown in Spike Jonze's Being John Malkovich ... a character in the real world but is also a character inside his own head). For your poem, in other words, a person is writing the piece but also is a character in the piece that is being created. Notice I didn't write "becomes a character" but, rather, "is a character. This technique is used by Elizabeth Bishop in a number of poems. With this in mind, these lines -

"Right now, sitting here with my laptop, I'm panicking
trying to think of the next line in this poem,"

- are my favorite here.

A strong sense of urgency, juxtaposition, panic, decision-making carries through the poem:

"Does it ever end? Do I want it to?
Is this the '...be or not...' crux of my 'busy being born”
v. 'busy dying' dilemma?"

Time slows down, the monk burns forever, and the character in the poem (who is both self and not-self) is being goaded by juxtaposed forces to "forever hold my pee". Great way to close this piece. Made me recall the ending of The Stranger by Camus. Meursault, though convicted of a murder he did not commit (a point which has been and will continue to be debated by critics - Meursault does kill a man, but the act is not murder) but is walking toward the guillotine. I find it fascinating that Camus never allows the story clause. Likewise, you decide to have the character to be "forever" goaded into inaction - holding the pee. Great.

One note, when first reading, I paused midway - panicked, panicked, panicking, panicky, urge, urgency ... but the second time I read it, I allowed those lines their own pace of contrast - again - to the monk outside the poem, burning, burning, burning. But, with a second reading, the jolting nature of the word choice in the poem's first half is a good way, a necessary way to set up the "Oops" of the torn urgency and the "abated...panic" as the poem unfolds its ending. Nice move.

Good choices and placement of the quotations for an epigraph.

I like.

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I'm humbled, Sam. Truly.

I know what's a panic attack... Well said.

Thanks, Erika. It just occurred to me, thinking about the degrees of panic, that laughing at fear is a form of it -- an inoculation maybe, a saving grace. I think of someone like Robin Williams, dancing to keep the terrors at bay. Tragically with him eventually they won.

Meditation is the only thing that helps panic. Intelligent work. *

Thank you, John. I've never been good at meditation--ADHD keeps the interruptions coming and coming... Naps are my only real escape.

What's great about Matthew, besides his writing, is that you never know what will pop out of his "pen" next! Bravo.*

It has me mystified, as well. Thanks, Tim. ;)

"but now there's the next." Ain't it the truth.

Love!

Mathew, you need a vacation! :)

Thanks, Dianne, and, Kitty, I agree--take me to Guinea!!

"the assassin beetle sneaking across a pane of the window
to my front"
Love this bit a lot!

Enjoyed this, Mathew. All the images you conjured up made this a pleasure to read *

I'll be reading this again to know why I was stunned thereby.

********

When it happened. I missed it. Was in boot camp. A year later, I would be there where the fire still burned and the acrid scent remained.

Thank you, all who commented.