Command Voice
Go to your room. Children are meant to be seen not heard.
Please let me stay with you.
Negatory.
But I love you, Daddy.
I'm not your Daddy. I married your mother.
But you are the only chance I'll ever have.
Can I stay here with you?
About Face, Baby Mac.
I love you.
March.
Love me.
Don't make me say it again.
I am desperate for you to love me.
You are retarded.
But I will be famous someday.
You are not going to amount to shit.
I will not remember my bruised kidney, my brain will spare me from that.
But I will remember this.
You are never going to do anything besides wait tables at Sambos.
I am only laughing because I think that will make you love me.
You are a moron.
I will survive this. I will survive you.
I don't give a shit.
I know.
You are worthless.
I am dressed for the Christmas Parade.
I have my red sequins on, my hair in pigtails, my tiny baton twirls.
I said shut up. You are fucking retarded.
I will never walk into a room without feeling this.
Don't ever speak in my house again.
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Author's Note
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drill_commands
"Drill commands are best given when the person has an excellent command voice.
A command voice is characterized by DLIPS: Distinctness, Loudness, Inflection, Projection, and Snap."
Other stories by Lori Lou Freshwater
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Amazing.
Painful. Yet brilliant. *
spot on emotionally genuine and true. raw. wonderful work.
Raw and heartrending.
Thank you, Sam, Jules, Meg and Bill. I do know it is a raw and difficult poem, making your support all the more appreciated. Truly, thank you.
Brutal. How about a sequel where "daddy" gets his come-uppance?
Powerful and heartbreaking. *
Yes, powerful. Heartbreaking.
Jack, I'll give that some thought. ;-)
Thank you, Jack, Christian, and James. Again, I appreciate the support on this one.
Their relationship epitomizes the human condition. How often we profess our love only to have the beloved say: 'I don't give a shit.' Yes, it's heartbreaking but it's also motivating, as you suggest. Well done! The Marine drill instructor at Paris Island video is a trip.
All too often, J Mykell. And yes, very trippy. ;-) Thank you for reading and commenting, means a lot.
Oh, this just kills me....*
love this incantation and its raw flow. and the author's note! the lost literature of drills and commands.
Damn. *
Yikes! This strikes as quick as a missing cobra.You know you've been bitten. Great job!
Kim, Marcus, Michael and Darryl, thank you for reading and for your comments. Again, it is especially appreciated on work like this.
Daryl, a cobra but not a cute one like the Bronx zoo cobra. ;-)
*Darryl (sorry)
This is a punch to the gut. A little scary, but leaves a lasting impression.