Doctor, My Eyes

I opened my eyes when I was somewhat older. When I did open them, they stung. 

I tried eye drops Visine this, Optine that, a little Systane, some GenTeal. Artificial tears for an artificial life. None of it worked until I realized; it was just my heart stinging through my eyes.

I tried a little Jack Daniels and, what do you know? It worked! The stinging disappeared. So did my peripheral vision and sense of balance. Rather than curing one thing and diseasing another, I stopped applying the Number 7 solution.

I switched to weed. The stinging persisted but at least I thought it was funny. I couldn't help feeling an answer lay somewhere in the word, “Dude.”

Not being one hundred percent cured, or even on the way to being cured, for a brief time I tried Grey Goose Vodka. Then I discovered it was distilled from wheat, not potatoes. Worse it was French, so I stopped it too. In time I realized I liked Grey Goose more intensely than I hated the French and began using it again, sparingly.

Recently, between medications, I attended a small party in the Bronx and accidentally discovered Love. Love, applied as a salve or cream or even as the less desirable aerosol gel, completely removes the stinging sensation. Additionally, Love, if not used recklessly, has minimal unpleasant side-effects.  

Also, while it is true no one can be absolutely sure of either the mental or physical well being of others, I have also noticed Love, if after you have used whatever portion you need, you share even the last few drops with others, seems to soothe any stinging they may be feeling as well.