The Freelance Assignment
“I read when you run out of stuff to write you just keep on writing and the fog clears. Something emerges. Something you can at least edit. Make something out of.”
“How the fuck can you run out of stuff to say about a fucking sausage, Harold? It's only a Kielbasa Festival for crying out loud! A bunch of geeks and geezers eating goddamn sausages. The rent is due in two weeks. You're falling behind on your commitments.”
“Jesus, Eileen.”
“Don't Jesus Eileen me, you idiot. You wanted to be a writer. Now you're a writer. I waited tables for a year and six months so you could get started and now you can't think of things to say about sausages. Next it'll be about radishes, then hair conditioners and the downtown Secaucus revitalization plan. I am sooooo fucking glad you didn't start the novel first.”
“Eileen.”
“Your ass Harold. Just write. You want to be a writer, so write. Radishes are red. Blueberries are blue…”
“For god's sake Eileen.”
“No, Harold, for your sake. So you can go on living. So I don't kill you here on the spot. Write something!! It's only fucking sausages!!”
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Author's Note
Sometimes I do freelance. Sometimes I don't.
Goodness. All right. All right. Nothing like the gentle urgings from your Muse. *
Whenever my Muse gets like that, I remember the words of the great artist, Izzy Schwarz, who said, "Two in the chest, one in the head. Never bother you again."
Or two .22s in the back of the head, like the Rooskies do it.
They don't understand, do they?
Favorooty.
Ah, yes. Loved this, short and ever so sweet. Nice work. fave
"It's only fucking sausages!!"
Yes! Humor! Bring it on..
*
A good writer should be able to make a story about writing a story about 'fucking sausages' hold the reader's interest: as you have done.
Love this, Larry. Great dialogue. Well done!
"Don't Jesus Eileen me, you idiot."
Thank you all. I'm sure you have lived this moment.
It's just fucking sausages... This had me cracking up!!! That second paragraph is killer and it really moves!!!! The rant from sausage hell!!! ******
hysterical.
Yep, I've lived this moment indeed. This is classic.
So great!