I Had Time to Kill
by Kim Chinquee
I already lost the long jump, scratching. I'd had a tempo in my steps, knowing when to lift myself, after getting closer to the line, then up and up and in the air until I landed. But I misjudged more than once. Disqualified. The winner was a girl I went to school with.
I sat on the swing, feeling bad, soothed by candy bar and soda. I still had to run the hundred. I had time to kill. I got on the merry-go-round, letting it go slow, thinking of starting blocks, how I might push off them.
A group of boys came. They spun and pushed the go-round and I held the edges. They went faster, running it in circles. I slid closer to the edge. I hugged a rail, then harder, but I couldn't hold my body. They went round and round, and I could feel my body sliding. My arms weren't strong enough and I landed on the pavement. The boys ran away. I walked to the nurse's station, where she told me to lift my shorts. I needed lots of bandages and I could feel the stinging. The nurse said, "Now go and run the hundred."
I lined myself up. Some people asked what happened to me.
I got on my starting blocks and put my mind on something else: cereal, weeds, my father's hands, my mother's dirty apron. The gun went off. I just busted ahead and ended up winning. I got my ribbon and thought about telling the boy I liked. I imagined him helping me dress my cuts.
That night, my mom told me that this boy from my school had gotten sick of himself and it ended with a handgun.
I watched her chin quiver and then she asked me if I knew him. I almost told her, but I decided not to.
I went to bed, lying on my good side.
I sat on the swing, feeling bad, soothed by candy bar and soda. I still had to run the hundred. I had time to kill. I got on the merry-go-round, letting it go slow, thinking of starting blocks, how I might push off them.
A group of boys came. They spun and pushed the go-round and I held the edges. They went faster, running it in circles. I slid closer to the edge. I hugged a rail, then harder, but I couldn't hold my body. They went round and round, and I could feel my body sliding. My arms weren't strong enough and I landed on the pavement. The boys ran away. I walked to the nurse's station, where she told me to lift my shorts. I needed lots of bandages and I could feel the stinging. The nurse said, "Now go and run the hundred."
I lined myself up. Some people asked what happened to me.
I got on my starting blocks and put my mind on something else: cereal, weeds, my father's hands, my mother's dirty apron. The gun went off. I just busted ahead and ended up winning. I got my ribbon and thought about telling the boy I liked. I imagined him helping me dress my cuts.
That night, my mom told me that this boy from my school had gotten sick of himself and it ended with a handgun.
I watched her chin quiver and then she asked me if I knew him. I almost told her, but I decided not to.
I went to bed, lying on my good side.
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Author's Note
An old one that's been revised a million times. Just published in elimae.
Other stories by Kim Chinquee
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Whoosh, Kim. This one gave me goosebumps. There's so much tension and danger beneath the surface. So much unsaid. I love how she trains her mind when she's on the starting blocks. How strong she is.
Thanks, Myf!
There's so much physical and narrative movement in this story, Kim. I just love it. The ending. Her good side.
You always do this, you put in a simple line like this that floors me: "That night, my mom told me that this boy from my school had gotten sick of himself and it ended with a handgun." Great work, Kim.
I love this story, Kim. I read it on Elimae and am teaching it in my class.
Wow. Every word matters. Like magic again Kim.
I love the something else thoughts: cereal, weeds, father' hands : this child's logic is so winsome.
The end so startling, and as expected, understated so well that it wants to be read again and again. As though like life, nothing really ends. AWESOMENESS
Beautifully subtle, Kim.
Wow! What a killer of a final sentence.
Wow, thanks all.
This is a really good one Kim. The last line knocked my socks off. By the way, just got your book, sooooo good.
Thanks, Ben. I'm glad!
This is so sure. It never falters or runs out of steam. And the ending, for me, perfectly nailed it all together.Executed to perfection by a real artist.
I loved the last line especially. This is the most read story on Fictionaut for a reason!
when I first glimpsed the title I thought it was "I had to kill him." I blame my mistake on getting blood drawn at 7am. but then I read it and the whole end bit messed with my head. Anyway, I enjoyed your story, but what else is new :)
The deft brushed strokes of a master: "with a handgun," "I watched her chin quiver," "lying on my good side."
Really good! Short lines with impact. Boom! Excellent job.
Just read this on a blog repost - really great stuff.
This was my favorite piece in Pretty. (It was in Pretty, right?). All the elements already mentioned in these comments struck me as well. Also, I love "I got my ribbon and thought about telling the boy I liked. I imagined him helping me dress my cuts." A young girl's psyche so perfectly rendered.
Excellent story. So full of tension and the real danger of youth. The title resonates in many directions.
This story is so powerful and vivid with images and emotion, yet has the spareness of words of a poem. I read it over and over. Beautiful. I love the juxtaposition of killing time and the suicide.
Oh, and I just joined Fictionaut yesterday and this is my first fave.