by Katrina Gray
I follow my father outside and bum a Pal Mal. He doesn't ask questions. He lights it from his own.
I look for the moon, but it is gone. My mother used to sing, I see the moon and the moon sees me. But I do not see the moon.
“You know,” he says, “Your mom had that happen too. Before you.” He means to warm me. A budding sibling, erased. I feel like I've done something wrong.
Dishes are still on the table. Michael is downstairs drywalling the new room. For what, I don't know. Earlier, my father patted Michael's back like he was trying to stop him from choking. I saw this from the kitchen, the sad looks on their faces. When I came in the room, they jumped up and said the Cardinals were winning.
The air is heavy tonight, the weight of July. There's something rising in my throat. The cigarette nauseates me, and I stamp it into the ground after a couple of drags.
My round belly is deflating. I disappear a little more by the day. It's been weeks. Soon, I may not even be here. If I were new, like the moon is now, I could be veiled, hiding, invisible. I briefly think it's possible that my baby is hiding somewhere, new and illuminated, behind a shadow. That it's impossible that she's just gone.
I was full of her, Olive. Olive, after Michael's dead mother.
It may take months, the doctor told me. The hormones will trick me, like she's still here. My body absorbs her. Eats her. I ordered a drink last night and stripped the plastic sword of its olive with my tongue. I asked the bartender for another. Martini? he asked, eying my full glass. No, olive. My stomach churned, searching for something to chew on.
My muscles are soft, relaxed in preparation for something big. My father drives away and I am on the verge of tears, now—always—my eyes floating and dipping like fishing bobbers. The arches of my feet flatten on the steps up to the kitchen. The screen door slams shut behind me.
I unwrap the last test in the house and squat over the toilet. My piss creeps up the stick, turning the first line pink, then the next, only lighter. There, still.
Human chorionic gonadotropin. The thing that makes the pee stick work. It's what hangs around, long after. Your levels will return to zero soon, the doctor said.
It feels impossible: becoming new. I swallow my breath. More impossible, still: becoming full again.
The new moon is when the moon is gone, my first boyfriend told me. No, not gone, I thought. Just dark from where we see it. We drank Zimas in the bed of his pickup, mosquitoes ambushing our wet ankles. I felt empty then, too.
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At f o u r p a p e r l e t t e r s - January 2010.
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o katrina, i like this. v much.
tiny thing--i would cut this: "No stars either, but not really." --that's just me.
captures something essential, this story. what we wanna be doing.
Wow, Gary. So glad you like it. I was unsure about this one, wondering if stuff was conveyed. Many thanks.
Also--good suggestion about the stars. Done. When I made the change, I thought, "Of course..."
yeah--that happens to me all the time. cut cut, happy happy happy
Yes, yes, yes. This one is a dangling tendon of what it used to be. And still there was more flesh to scrape off.
We must mind our digits while we slice. This is dangerous business.
Lots of lovely details here. I'm still chewing on this one.
Thanks, Jon.
I like the mood this piece evokes. Strong writing syle. I like the attention to detial. Good work.
Thanks, Sam. I appreciate that.
"I feel like I've done something wrong." Of all the resonant lines, this one hit the hardest.
A haunting, brutal story.
Love how you reference the moon early and then come back to it at the end.
Thanks, David! We are both up too early...
As with all great stories, the ending is what makes it linger.
A delicate and dramatic subject, yet your writing transcends the emotive value to strengthen the story for its own sake
Beautifully written, powerfully handled.
hot damn, that's the finest thing i've every read on a computer screen.
captures the dissonance between the practicalities of a critical moment and the mystery of it
"hiding somewhere, new and illuminated, behind a shadow"
so sad and simple -- gorgeous. i love the full/empty and moon elements.
i wonder, though, if the line "i feel like i've done something wrong" is necessary. i think you've conveyed her complex emotions so well without her telling us how she feels. that's just me.
very, very nice work.
Lauren, Morgan, Susan, John--I thank you for the reads and comments.
And, hot damn, Aaron! Thanks for the ultimate compliment!
Katrina--what a beautiful thing you've made. It's lovely to hold in the mind, to touch with the heart. Thank you.And yes that line is necessary--it worked for me.Nice.
Very nice, Katrina, ditto all the above. Watch your tenses, an initial reading sweeps the reader right off their feet, but a second, more careful inspection reveals some bumps. Not a put down, I just love polishing excellence.
Shot through with brilliant poignancy. Great read, Katrina.
I agree with Sam & Jon about the details (the pee test, the hand thumping on the back, the mosquitos): the prose is very polished. The theme is a rough-cut (as counterbalance to the deliberation in style). The image of the moon guides. I'll remember the father's courtesy in saying that her mother had had this "happen to her," too, as if she has had a passive injury.
this is lovely and perfect. Haunting.
Hi Katrina,
I was moved by this story. Conveys deep sadness but the repeated references to the moon remind the reader that there is a cycle of fertility and perhaps...
The relationships between the characters are beautifully rendered in few words. I loved the closeness between father and daughter, lighting one cigarette from the other.
You've made an old story new again.
"The arches of my feet flatten" -- one of my favorite lines. Conveys so much in the simplest of actions. I enjoyed this in all of its sadness. It would particularly hit home with anyone who has been through something similar. It's touching yet not maudlin, which is always a challenge. The only thing I didn't like was the use of the word "piss" coming from a woman....it's just me I'm sure, but this always seems like part of the male vernacular to me. That being said, I think this piece is exceptional.
"The arches of my feet flatten" -- one of my favorite lines. Conveys so much in the simplest of actions. I enjoyed this in all of its sadness. It would particularly hit home with anyone who has been through something similar. It's touching yet not maudlin, which is always a challenge. The only thing I didn't like was the use of the word "piss" coming from a woman....it's just me I'm sure, but this always seems like part of the male vernacular to me. That being said, I think this piece is exceptional.
Gosh, you guys...All of you, thanks.
Thanks, Katrina, for your kind comments on "Man On A Balcony In His Bathrobe."
yes, delicate is the right word. and deft. really beautifully done, Katrina - so glad to have read this today.
this is such an effective story. really enjoyed this on fourpaperletters and found it here only now. what i find most impressive here is how play with the momentum of the story, pulling it back up and altering its tone several times so that the tension never ceases. it's ama-zinging to the end, sizzling.
"eyes floating and dipping like fishing bobbers"