by Kathy Fish
One of the most gratifying aspects of documenting my brother Ray's life has been my growth as a filmmaker. Some of that early stuff, when Ray was a junior and I was in eighth grade, well...it's embarrassing to watch. But one year of intense study and trial and error has made all the difference. I have, for example, watched Stanley Kubrick's "The Shining" 117 times.
My dad says Ray's got the world by the ass. He rolls his eyes to the heavens when he says it like he can't believe his good fortune. My dad sells seed corn. He has a chicken neck and shaky, useless hands. Ray's hands are golden. He plays quarterback for our undefeated high school football team. Around here, that's big time.
I taped all of Ray's Ray's football games this past fall, my dad constantly asking, "Did you get that?" The whole project had become stultifyingly boring until I experienced a creative epiphany. It occurred while taping "Ray Gets A Visit from the College Recruiter."
A man came all the way from the University of Alabama. He kept telling my mom how she didn't look old enough to have a kid in high school.
"Two kids in high school," I said, sitting on the floor.
The recruiter said, "Excuse me, darlin'."
I pointed the camera at him. "Well, now." He sipped his iced tea. "What's this?"
My dad said, "For God's sakes, Emma, leave the poor man alone and go find your brother."
Ray had excused himself after dinner. Said he'd be right back. I found him sitting on his bed leafing through a Hustler magazine. I flicked on the camera. Ray grinned.
It's a side-angle shot of Ray, sitting on his bed, slowly turning the pages. There's laughter from downstairs. Ray scratches his nose. He shows the naked woman with the massive breasts to the camera. Dad bursts in and yells at us to get the hell downstairs. I zoom in on his chicken neck. "Turn that damned thing off," he says, blocking the viewfinder with one trembling hand.
Finis.
I call it,"Ray's Got The World By The Tits."
Forensics Club takes time away from learning my craft, so I quit. I watch "The Shining" in the basement and take copious notes. I go to Harlen's Cafe on Saturdays. I drink coffee and pretend it's a Starbucks. I wear a black turtleneck and my dad's old checked hat. Some of the freshman girls walk by. They point at me. They point at their heads. What is that I see in their smiles? Admiration and respect.
I have this whole library of Ray tapes my parents haven't seen. There's "Ray Pukes in the Hydrangeas" and "Ray Makes Out In the Driveway with His Best Friend's Girlfriend" and "Ray Steals a Twenty from Mom's Purse." Ray loves the secret tapes. We watch them in the basement when Mom and Dad are asleep. He sits on the couch, drinking beer and laughing. He crunches the empty cans and drops them into the paper sack at his feet.
Ray knows nothing about motif. He doesn't realize I am making a statement. Like trigonometry, the concept of irony is lost on my brother.
Over dinner, I casually throw out the question "Who's going to videotape my high school career?" This is a classic awkward moment. I wish I had the video camera. My dad pretends he didn't hear, totally focused on trying to spear a lima bean with his fork. Mom coughs.
"Joking!" I say, and they all laugh. It's pretty damned sad, but in a funny way, that there exists but one videotape of me--a shaky five-minute blurb from my fifth birthday party.
A recruiter is on his way from the Air Force Academy. I get a tight shot of Dad's hands as he attempts to straighten Ray's tie. He's telling Ray he'd better not screw this up. Mom pushes him away and fixes the knot, her back to the camera. Ray stares over her head, this hulking dark figure backlit by the sun through the picture window.
Right after graduation, Ray plans to steal Dad's car and drive all the way to California. He wants me to film his getaway. He wants to call it "Ray Fucks Up Again." But in return he's got to take me with him. I want to go to Hollywood. I want to blow people's minds. Ray just wants to see the ocean.
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VERY, very old story of mine, originally published in Monkeybicycle. This is the first story featured in "A Peculiar Feeling of Restlessness."
I reread a bunch of these from Peculiar a couple weeks ago. Not only so well written, so entertaining too.
thanks for rereading it, Joe, I had fun writing this one...
That last paragraph is a killer. It really says everything in a nicely panaramic way.I'm not sure if it was supposed to but the whole thing made me feel good. I guess because of the humor, the honesty, and sheer humanity of the piece.Fine, fun entertainment expertly written.
Oh thanks DP! I'm glad it made you feel good. I really liked writing from this odd girl's pov...
Good story.
Another finely written story.
Thanks for reading, Jeanne!
Thanks, Joshua!
This has been a favorite of mine for a while now. Great to actually be able to click a little star to "officially" mark it as a fave.
thanks so much Dave Clapper!
I like everything about this piece - Kubrick's film as backdrop - family out of touch – and the fact that the narrator is a obsessed with the film – taking “copious notes”. The harshness of the notion that no one will tape the narrator's life gives a dose of sadness. Little details – Harlen’s Café, adjusting the tie, dropping the cans into a sack, the black turtleneck ... really put the reader inside the story.
Great control of character & action. And the few pieces of dialogue - because they're not overused - are emphasized. Great story.
Thanks for reading and commenting on this one, Sam, I appreciate it!
I absolutely love this. I love the way you constructed this with simple sentences. The tale it tells is beautiful doing it this way - the narrator Emma I totally relate to. And the last three sentences together are striking.
Thanks very much, Joe!
I LOVE this - so smart & funny. Just great.
Thanks, kindly, Marcelle!
Ray knows nothing about motif. He doesn't realize I am making a statement. Like trigonometry, the concept of irony is lost on my brother.
LOL!!!!
You are terrific! Funny and full of great moments. Smart, smart, smart. And your writing is right on. It is a favorite for sure!
very fine, the details and the larger story. love the humor, and that the way you put sentences together enhances that humor in a very masterful way
Thanks so much, Debbie and Morgan!
I have never read anything less than wonderful by you, kathy, and this is no exception. maybe because it's a little older, it has a different feel, which i love.
there's so much going on here. i love when the girl tells the recruiter that her young-looking mother has TWO children in high school and when she asks who will videotape her.
her identity is so connected to that of her brother. of course he has to take her to california -- he needs to be her subject (and her object, really) and she needs him to make her exist. really, really great!
thank you, Lauren! i know my writing style has changed....I wrote this in 2003...appreciate the kind words, very much
Wow, Kathy! This is just a gem. I love Fictionaut for allowing these stories to live again. This is magic.
This is stellar stuff, Kathy. Really like the voice, the tone, the way we see so much of the family in so few words. Thanks for posting.
Thanks Meg and Andrew!
Really like the image of the shaky hands straightening the tie. Really good stuff.
i've liked this one for a long time, Kathy. Great to get another look!
Thank you kindly, Jensen!
Thank you, George!
Wow, this brought back feelings of being the youngest of three girls. Your narrator's "five-minute blurb" of video is akin to my two pages of photos--with my sisters included in them of course--versus their albums.
And this, wow:
"I want to blow people's minds. Ray just wants to see the ocean."
Thanks so much, Susan!
Great story, Kathy. I, too, have watched the Shining over a hundred times. Nice part of the story.
Thank you Autumn!
redrum
ssentaerg
ha, thanks George!
Awesome.
i had a fat tire in the estes park hotel SK stayed in when writing the book. creepy even in the afternoon...
read this again and somehow liked it better
Thank you Matt Baker!
George, the Stanley Hotel? I've seen it, not stayed there though.
wowzas
Thanks, Barry!
Yes! The Stanley Hotel. Should have run up to 217 before leaving but, uh, I didn't get a chance to.
Sadly, I haven't had the time to visit Fictionaut of late. What a lovely re-introduction to the site. There's so many great moments here, and yes humor, but I was touched by the pathos, the pain and sadness that thrum just below the surface, that spur these two siblings to flee. Brava.
This is an OK story. Takes a while to get to the point. I am sure you are writing better stories now.
Thanks so much, Ethel!
I cannot explain why I found this story so charming. Nonetheless, I did. So there it is.
Someone who has watched The Shining 117 times, can have my cantine anyday, and my respect too! Great.
haha, thank you for reading this one, Thierry!
This is a really cool way to tell a story, to give lots of "scenic" information and backstory, and do it both "objectively," but also through a narrative lense. There were even some moments to see the narrator through a couple of different lenses. You make this look effortless, but I don't think it is. The material is handled with a deft hand. -- Q
wow, thanks again, Quenby for the kind words about this one...it's one of the first stories I ever wrote...
Very cool, this story. It’s fun and entertaining, but I also sense the sadness and longing of the narrator. *
Thank you, Kari. I'm glad that comes through!