It's My Birthday

by Jerry Ratch

And the President didn't call.

Of course it's early in the day

And I still have hope.

It's my birthday.


Hillary Clinton didn't call from her jet to nowhere.

They didn't do a flyover.

The head of Wealth and Commerce didn't pay a visit,

But it's early still, so…


Starbucks has given me one free drink

Because it's my birthday,

So that's something.

My company awarded me a $5.00 gift card to Peet's Coffee.

Apparently everybody's interested in me staying awake today

Because of my birthday.


The Pulitzer Committee hasn't called,

But it's still early in the day.

The Nobel Peace Prize would be nice,

Be I haven't done that much this year

To further the cause of peace.

But an award in the name of literature would be nice.

But it's still early in the day, like I said.


My ex-students from 2 years of teaching never call me anymore

Like they used to.

But half of them died in back alleys from alcoholism, so…

Sometimes I hear sirens going off on my birthday

So that's something, I guess.


My wife gave me a big wonderful birthday present though

That makes me very happy.

And she's the best. I mean, the best!

And it's still my birthday.

I still have hope.


It's my birthday

And the President hasn't called yet.

I don't get it. I vote for him

And then he leaves me at the altar

Like a pregnant teenager from Jersey named Ama Tripleleo.

I mean, like, it's my birthday!