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Survival


by Deborah Oster Pannell


When nothing's coming in

All I have are fragments

Cloudy memories

Uncompleted projects

Disappointments loom large and threaten to define me

I am only as good as what I produce

And now I feel empty

So how do I shine

How do I find the spark that powers me forward

I know I can't depend on anyone else

And yet I crave the touch of a gentle lover

Strong arms around me, rocking me

I have everything in my bite

I have nothing to lose

I have enough tears to cry away your pain

I have more love than I even understand

I am on fire

Roaming the back halls of my own brain

I pick up signals from far away and

There's no way to translate them

Just enjoy the overlapping patches of color and

Feel the cushion of their presence like candy clouds

I am too old for regret

I am too young to give up

I am burrowing through rock and silt and sand and

Risking everything for another moment, another breath

I am here, I am nowhere, I am everything

I understand that the next move is mine

I am not content to wait any more

I have to finish the sentences now.

 

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