Working Girls
by David James
In the summer when it's light out later it's my nature to linger a couple of hours in the park after work, just standing around watching the Downtown Divas working the corner, offering themselves to each male driver who stops for the light and I always joke with them about how good looking they are and they laugh and giggle at my comments and I can count on at least one of them to turn around, shake her ass at me, saying something teasing like, “Hey, baby! You want some of this?” to which I always say something like, “Yeah, bring it to me, sugar”, loud enough so anyone near can hear me which I see as helping them with some advertising.
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Author's Note
I guess I'll eventually tire of this single sentence story nonsense.But not yet.
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Don't tire yet. It fits. A slice. Effective.
I would recommend one slight change, to turn around, shake her ass at me, and say something teasing like, "Hey, baby! You want some of this?" I cannot remember what it is called, gerund maybe. Take it out of the gerund form and align the verbs in the listed infinitive forms. Otherwise (as far as the rest of it goes), this is wise and visual and evocative of a whole interesting, even compassionate scene. *
Good advice, Ann. Thanks. I'll make your suggested change.
Like the syllabic restraints of haiku, this single sentence form generates both compression and tension. Good work.
Good Samaritan with fine writing skills. I like it very much.
What Gary said.*
Keep writing these sentences. I like that they're never pushed, never fancified, just clear, potent, aimed. *
These sentences are working for you, David. Great stuff. *
Don't quit while you're ahead! *
Good shorty.
When I read this I wasn't thinking about how many sentences it was. I just enjoyed following it from beginning to end (I especially like the opening of this).*