Just Wondrin'

by David James

Ever had the occasion to wake up look at your watch and see it's five-thirty in the morning — after sleeping on the couch all night? Ever then gone to take a leak, trudged down the hall, cracked your bedroom door to check on your wife and found a portly, balding man in bed with your wife wearing nothing but a vest and yelled “Aha! What are you doing in there?” Ever had your wife then say cuttingly, “Why do you think you're so special that we have to tell you what's going on in here? Is it any of your business?” Ever had her then make a gesture towards you with her middle finger? Ever have that same balding man steal your bike and ride away, preening like a celebrity? Ever try to edit out all the cuckolding hurt just so you could be thankful to be a survivor? Me neither.