by David James
Myrna came home from her new, midnight shift, waitressing job at the Waffle House saying she was sorry but she couldn't take any more gray-haired Jesus-types with their dollar bills held high, releasing a few so they would flutter, as if borne by wings, onto the tables as tips, hoping for after shift favors but the worst was last night's episode when this old bastard stood up, pulled her into him, saying, as he folded his tattooed arms around her, “Baby, we're both adults, let's go out to the back seat of my Buick and act like it”, and then I reminded her that quitting would not leave us with enough money to buy that truck and we'd still have to ride the bus to which she said,” Well, couldn't you look for a job?”
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I'm sort of addicted, trying to write single sentence stories. I invite edits, if they might help.
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This is great. Love her retort. "*"
Nothing like a good Waffle house tale.
Fine compression. Runs like a top.
It works beautifully. You encapsulated their whole relationship in this sentence.
*though, you realize, the sentence is actually broken.
I like how this comes around just right so that her retort illuminates the relationship in all its sad mediocrity. What a fine pair.*
Love it. *
I second Gary Powell's comment. As to Oliver's, it looks to me as if the period after "...act like it," is a typo. *
Hey, thanks to you all for taking time to read this one. Oliver and Mathew, thanks. You helped me fix the story.
Haha! This is crazy-fun! *
Zing!*
*
Well done. You've encapsulated a lot of things here. *