by Bobbi Lurie
greatest love comes to those closest to death keenest love comes to those who die quickly less love to those misdiagnosed or diagnosed prematurely or who outlive their sentence of death due to no diagnosis substantial enough to care for or to be sated from caring rooted in the earth is the death sentence people speed across to or from with that which cools this fever trees bleed amber crying is a bell which chases most away little honor much expectation dance of flattery steps away little is late and later is less each directly walks desultory no amnesty and therefore suffer forever from misdiagnosis maggots are small minutes (sixty seconds) in the trash i saw them appear while etching in an unventilated space where i intaglioed your name unmarried are the granite slabs we meet alone within camouflage a life where fewer falter well forgiveness is a seldom mouth if ever engrave his name bury the loss of home what needs a place at any cost a coverlet or word like bodice gone forever is the sense of lace i dare not give the name of the city though i begged not to leave mounds of please broken shells of careful walk across the lack of vowels and how we did not give a single detail of biographical text as if neither of us chose so why talk intentionality betrayal is in the eye of the beholder wrestling a word which might have been a silent thin veneer of caring it's a myth that's why
10
favs |
1656 views
26 comments |
258 words
All rights reserved. |
New American Writing
Otoliths
Bobbie, this takes my breath away. I think my favorite thus far, although all of your stuff are faves. the last line gripped me in a place i know too well."betrayal is in the eye of the beholder...a word which might have been a silent thin veneer of caring..."
Bobbi, this is an amazing prose poem. I read it aloud to Tony this minute (this maggot) and we praised it. I discovered in reading that the phrasing is natural, even without punctuation. Voila!
I learned, as I always learn when your writing touches on death, things I didn't know.
"less love to those misdiagnosed or diagnosed prematurely or who outlive their sentence of death due to no diagnosis"
and:
"no amnesty and therefore suffer forever from misdiagnosis maggots are small minutes (sixty seconds) in the trash i saw them appear while etching in an unventilated space where i intaglioed your name unmarried ... "
Marvelous piece. The breath is powerful. Great form.
Nice wordplay. I love the original inventiveness on display here in line after line and also how you don't give up on the idea but go as far and as deep as you want until it completes itself.Nicely done,brave and deeply felt!
interesting combination of images and aphorisms - I like the decision to write without punctuation very much. Would love to hear more about your process of putting this together.
Sara,
Thank you so much for what you write about "maggots" and especially the specific part which gripped you. Your comments are always encouraging. Thank you.
Ann,
Thank you for what you wrote about "maggots" and thanks for reading it to Tony (!!!) so maggotly on the minute. I have been surrounded by death for so long and I really want to say how those perceptions change in others. Maggots do seem to appear out of nowhere and being a printmaker so long "in an unventilated space" was how I lived and grew accustomed to maggots in NY. Thank you, Ann.
Sam,
Thank you so much for what you write! Especially for what you say about the form which was very intentional.
Darryl,
Thank you for what you write. I did put my brain in a place where it would not stop associating ideas into words--very speedy kind of thinking really. Thank you for the "deeply felt"--I know that is not apparent but I did feel an urgency with this poem / a need to say what might not be understood or interpreted from place it came from and so I appreciate you writing that.
Julie--thank you for the word "aphorism" in terms of this piece. My process was to avoid all punctuation, lines, stanzas etc. I wanted to create a rush of images with no hesitation in breath or thought--I wanted the messages to fly by and gain insignificance through lack of time as in line breaks or punctuation etc. sort of a hidden message out in the open. thanks for asking.
Bobbi, thank you for your response --I was picturing something like a Jenny Holzer electronic message board as I read this, so yes, your form def. supports your intention, in my humble opinion. Very much enjoyed this work.
Wow. A hurricane of impressions!
Thank you Beate!
it's a myth allright. brilliant.
so much has been said already, but wow, bobbi, this one really gets you. (and by you i mean me.)
Thank you, Finnegan. Yes, it's a myth.
Sara,
Thank you so much for what you write. I really appreciate it.
Just fabulous, Bobbi.
Marcelle,
Thank you so much--I really appreciate it.
WOAAAH.
I'm trying to think of something else to add, but it's difficult to write with my jaw on the floor. I'll attempt it anyway:
Normally I hate texts without any punctuation, so I was surprised to have loved this so entirely. I guess most of the time it seems like people omit the punctuation to make themselves seem "cooler", but that's definitely not the case with this. Not adding punctuation only adds to this.
And your use of the words maggots and intaglio! Lovely, lovely stuff.
Em dash--
Thank you for what you write. I am honored.
I see you are in high school and I'm blown away--I read your story "634 Orchards, Fruits and Forestry" and gave it a fave--beautiful writing. Even your pseudonym is fantastic--plus you live in Spain? I love Spain.--I believe I was smarter in high school than at any other time in my life. I trust people in high school the most because they see through everything still. Thank you, Em dash.
held together by the buried aphorisms
Great. I read this one a few times.
Thank you, Matthew. I appreciate your reading this (especially several times) and taking the time to comment.
reminds me of someone whose writing i like. hmm.
Thank you, Carol.---b.