You
by A. Pseudonym
1. I took a walk after a heavy rain where the ground beside the road was wet and receptive. The sun was cold but present after a long absence and I was glad for it, though it was setting and the clouds and the night were coming. And I remembered that you had walked here earlier, when it was raining, because I saw the prints of bare feet in the sand, and they pointed home.
2. While I stood on the porch at the grill making supper, you inside in the kitchen talked with a friend and I only saw your face and lips make muted worlds on the other side of the window. I saw the depths in your hair, the ways of your neck leaning left, the lilting goodness submerged in your eyes and upturned in the voice I gave from my memory to your mouth while it moved and spoke truth.
3. When there are no more tears you always laugh, illogically. What is the meaning of you? Once we lay together in the summer in the dark and I made you a poem out of how I felt and what I thought about it. When you laughed I pretended to mind, and I thought it was the best thing that could have happened. I thought, my words and all their hope will never meet a better ear.
|
2
favs |
1154 views
9 comments |
231 words
All rights reserved. |
Author's Note
The author has not attached a note to this story.
Other stories by A. Pseudonym
Tags
This story has no tags.
Great, concrete sentiments here. I thoroughly appreciate the idea of exploring the meaning of someone significant (or rather, essential). Moving little snapshot of a relationship from a one-sided perspective.
Nice work.
Like this line: "I thought, my words and all their hope will never meet a better ear."
What is the purpose of the number sequence?
Thanks guys.
I numbered them because I think of them as discrete, not connected narratively. Not a story, just three examples of something. (I suppose you might take in the opposite way, 1-2-3 indicating sequence, but that's not how I thought of it).
Yes, it demarcates them from each other. I really enjoy your work, A, have missed reading it (where have you been?) Can't get your rhyming poem out of my mind.
fav
'... I only saw your face and lips make muted worlds on the other side of the window. ' - that's a great line.
Love these, 'in the voice I gave from my memory to your mouth' and 'my words and all their hope will never meet a better ear'. Good piece.
Well done, A. Enjoyed these micro pieces very much.
Agree with previous comments. My favourite sentence: 'The sun was cold but present after a long absence and I was glad for it, though it was setting and the clouds and the night were coming.' The simplicity of it works. Don't quite see the effect you're after with the numbers though. A bit attention getting for mine. Maybe just 3 sep paras, left indented? Anyway, nice work.
I love the idea that the ground is 'wet and receptive'. Very evocative opening.