The General
Where the General is, the world is data and patterns and signatures. It is a map of interactions. It is continuous motion.
Were it not for his position, The General would marvel at its unlimited invisible extension and watch the unspooling of the algorithms that search for the signatures of danger across the everywhere.
Others tend to that.
Because he can, sometimes he sends algorithms in search of his children.
He examines their transactions and delivery times to be sure everything runs smoothly. He checks their gasoline purchases and estimates the mileage they get. He follows their summer trips to the shore.
He compiles their communications.
He thinks: “The children communicate with others far more than with me.”
They seem far away.
He alters the communication algorithm to include their interactions with him. The results reassure.
The General is a smiling cherub peering down from a balcony in the night.
But soon he is worrying again.
How much slips away.
He feels weightless.
He wonders what he is doing.
I love so much about this, Stephen. (Though I am not sure about the ending; something there doesn't sit right with me.)
I enjoy the humanity in the General watching his children, and his jealousy.
Your stories are often like beautiful gifts from another planet.
Great character piece -
"The General is a smiling cherub peering down from a balcony in the night.
But soon he is worrying again.
How much slips away."
Good writing. *
thanks much for the reads and comments.
i had an alternate ending initially, but took it out.
He thinks: Parental concern is probable cause.
It felt a bit like a punch line, but maybe i should put it back in again?
I like the stripped-down style and tone of this piece. The play of emotions and controls.
Excellent slice 'o life here, SHK.
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Very good piece, Stephen.
"He thinks: Parental concern is probable cause.'
Not a punchline at all. Yes, put it back.
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Nice sleek writing. *
Hiya,
I think i prefer the original "punchline" ending. I'm with Bill Y.: it doesn't seem like a punchline to me.
I like the gentle humour of this piece & the transformation of General into cherub. It's probably the best way to handle people like the General.