The Four Seasons
by Rachel Yoder
After the first snows fell, the men began coming to our street. At night, dark cars lined the sidewalk, and the men sat inside, heads bowed in silence. They waited. Snow materialized and dematerialized under the streetlights. It drifted unseen next to their car doors, in the bushes, behind the fence. I walked the long row of cars and tried not to see them, the forgotten Renaissance statues, the second-hand mannequins. So still, these men. They had lovely necks.
It was dark and cold that season, and we were desperate for something. There was no going out. There was no staying in. The sofa didn't work anymore, nor the bed. Our desire had wrung the comfort from everything. We walked through the gray snow to The Four Seasons. It was a couple blocks away, down where M Street split. As we walked, darkness came in walls and built a house around us, a place where neither of us wanted to live. In the hotel lobby, the gold light and warmth and flower arrangements were all lies, but they reminded us of spring. We imagined happiness. We checked in.
The room on the fourth floor overlooked the building next door, and we immediately closed the blinds. He opened and shut the mini-bar. I snapped on the TV. We had nothing but what we could carry in our hands: cash, identification, rings of keys. We watched pornography and then fucked the way they did. After, we were naked and unmade. Then, we did it again, and again, and again.
The television stayed on, and pornography resolved to romance, then comedy. I put on my underwear and opened all the desk drawers. I took out the blank stationery and had an urge to write to people who knew me. Instead I pulled back the curtain and looked out at the graying. Our house still surrounded us. It kept being built outside of every place we went. Taxis honked and the sound zigzagged between the buildings. I want to say that I smoked, but I didn't. It felt as if I had, though.
I had hoped for a night of restful sleep, but instead watched the TV light color him blue while he slept. The wide bed was a mess of white sheets. I was either too hot or too cold, with strangers and faraway islands flashing at my feet. I thought about Ohio in summertime, how it felt as if I would never see it again, the green. He moved beside me as he dreamt.
When we walked back to the apartment, all the cars were gone from our street. He went to work, and I went back to bed. In the night, I sat by the window and the men returned to wait for the others, to touch and then part, to never speak a name, to remember love, and then to forget.
The only one that at first struck me as overwritten was - It was dark and cold that season, and we were desperate for something. I say that doubting it would have struck me as such if I hadn't been on the lookout. There are so many incredible lines that I won't quote them all...but they include the lovely necks, watching/fucking as they did, faraway islands flashing at feet, and the final one.
Also, re-reading it...I'm not sure about the Ohio line. I lived there (college, law school) for seven years and don't remember the green. I do remember the corn though. But the sentence ending ", the green" may be a tad overwritten. Again, I'm prowling for such things. This is a great story.
Shit, now I'm thinking the desperate line is really good. Do you ever hate yourself?
This has a quality so few short works can manage, or dare to try. Aside from its muted, distant, resigned tone it's a work of great ambition, in my view, as it contains not just a life or lives but many lives, many years, many futures all in its essential and carefully wrought specific images.
evocative
ohio, tonight, is v v green
I second everything James said.
Love this.
well, shit, gary, i probably associate ohio with torts and windowless rooms
Thanks for the comments, everyone!!
David, in answer to you question, yes, yes I do, probably too often.
And Jim, as for the piece's ambition, that's where I get leery, because it has the potential to collapse in on itself because it tries to go too big and reach too far. It's always a process of pulling back with this kind of writing, but pulling back word by word. It's a balancing act.
Gary, Mary -- you're both great. What more to say? Thanks.
Rachel, maybe that's why you write so well.
Self-loathing does have its advantages. Sigh.
Speak for yourself, Rachel, though I'm trying to parlay my self-loathing.
FWIW, I don't think this piece reaches too far.
"I put on my underwear and opened all the desk drawers. I took out the blank stationery and had an urge to write to people who knew me."
good stuff
it's beautiful writing. i like that darkness building a house around them, that sofa not working, that bed, too. lovely.
Rachel another wonderful, moving read, thank you.
I must admit I felt disoriented in the opening paragraph? Didn't really understand who these men were? Although I really liked "They had lovely necks."
I felt really pulled in here once I got to the second paragraph. So much beautiful language and vivid images and quirky turns of phrase throughout. I especially liked: "In the hotel lobby, the gold light and warmth and flower arrangements were all lies, but they reminded us of spring. We imagined happiness. We checked in." I also really liked : " .... watched the TV light color him blue while he slept."
Brava.
"As we walked, darkness came in walls and built a house around us, a place where neither of us wanted to live."
Beautiful imagery. The story feels heavy, like winter, but not oppressive like what you describe. Nothing overwritten -- many, many wonderful sentences.
I honestly don't think any of this sounds overwritten. You have established a voice here and everything works. Such strong, potent images. I like this.
Hey everyone, thanks for the feedback. And Ethel, I can see how the beginning is confusing. Hopefully, in the context of other stories, it will more immediately make sense. I'll play around with it.
THANKS for reading and commenting, everyone!!
I just about fell over sideways after reading this. So good, so good.
Overwritten? I don't see it. Seems very evocative of a few moments to me. Really enjoyed. I need to go to your profile and read the other Pentagon City series stories.
These lines you've got here are so strong that I wanted to pull over on the side of the road of the story. Like this one: After, we were naked and unmade. How beautiful of a non sequitur is They had lovely necks. It's a pile up. I don't know how to write or line break a prose poem, but I felt the need to make my own spaces inside the rhythm of the piece. Are you writing a novel in sections like these? You're good!
Thanks so much everyone! I really appreciate you reading my story.