Running Out of Gas on the Highway of Love

by Larry Strattner

"Watch out.There's a stop sign at Oleo."

"I see it."

"I'm just making sure."

"You don't need to make sure! I said I see it!"

“You know, I wish you wouldn't drink when we watch those football games.”


“It's a bar. What am I supposed to do go in there and sit at a table and watch the game without buying anything?”


“If that was all I wouldn't care, but you buy more than something. You buy a twelve pack before the game is over.”


“Yeah, maybe, but I'm OK.  Do I look like I'm not OK? Don't answer that. I know how you'll answer. I can never win when you get like this.”


“When I get like this? What about what you get like this? If you know my answer you know you look like my answer. Otherwise, how would you know my answer?”


“If your answer was really an answer I'd know you weren't just ragging on me because I'm down there having fun and for some reason you don't like those people.”


“They're a bunch of stupid, rat-faced rednecks who talk, no wait, yell, out dirty stuff and get drunk and ramble and fart and fall down. I mean, for god sakes, how can you even watch a game in there?  Football is stupid enough without watching it in there.”


“Maybe so, but if you'd get a job so I didn't have to spend every dime I make on food and rent and heat, maybe we could get a decent TV with cable instead of that black and white Goodwill junker with a bent hanger aerial that only picks up public access. Things would change.”


“There you go again. It's always, why don't I get a job? Why don't you get a better job? You know I have to finish up school. If you weren't just washing dishes and waiting table at lunch when no tip is over seventy five cents and then spending any extra money you make down here during the games where beer is three dollars a bottle; if you fixed those things maybe something would change too. Honestly, men are all such little boys. They don't have sense enough to come in out of the rain.”


“Oh yeah? Well I do. I've got more sense than you think. I may have a few beers but I pay attention. Those guys down there may be stupid but they are serious. Have you seen how much money is in that Super Bowl Pool? Well, I'm in on that too. Those guys don't know shit. We'll be able to buy a flat screen TV and cable and the NFL package when I'm done with them. I've got the Detroit Lions to go all the way!”