Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water (the update)
“If you hadn't shot your big mouth off Mom would have waited to go up with Mrs. Antwanet like she always does.” Said Jill.
“Yeah? Well you don't just barge in and tell me to get out of Call of Duty right when I'm on a roll.”
“Kim Kardashian was going to be on Oprah talking about her pervert uncle and his herd of transvestite sheep. You can play Call of Duty any time. Kim Kardashian's on once. That's it. You miss it, you're done.”
“Well, tough noogies. In my training for a digital tomorrow Call of Duty is more important than some fifteen-minutes-of-fame bimbo who's already been on fifteen minutes longer than she should have been.”
“Great! Just great! Now you and your big mouth have fixed it so neither one of us gets to do anything except go up and get the goddamn water; and watch out with that goddamn bucket!”
“Hey! Hey! Hey! Ow! Hey!”
“Nice job asshole! Now we have to go all the way up again. No wonder you always get your ass shot off playing Call of Duty. At least I could have learned something about sheep.”
“Bitch.”
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Author's Note
The original nursery rhyme was a sanitized version of a poem recounting the beheading of the French King Louis XVI and his Queen Marie Antoinette.
It was time to move back toward PG13, at least.
this fascinated me, well done, larry. deep cultural waters in this sibling relationship. my fantasy is that jack and jill are 57 yr old twins and their mother is 98. my heart's a lonely cliche hunter. love your author's note on this one. (footnote: i had to look up 'kardashian' and 'Call of Duty' to get this. i had heard of 'Oprah', thank god)
Pretty funny.
Nice take on what used to be a tired tale. You breathed new life into it.