A Biography — Larry Strattner
Larry Strattner is the author of three novels, a book of poetry and a substantial pile of shorter fiction and non-fiction. He began emerging (as we writers call it) two years ago after losing his will to work for idiots, deciding he might as well work for himself since he, personally, had the idiot base covered.
His first two books, Queen of Hornets and Nurse Ruthie were moderately successful having been read respectively by two friends and three acquaintances and a sorter at the recycle facility. His third book, Geek Assassin, while less introspective, has broader appeal within the five-letter-word-maximum market. Geek Assassin is projected to be optioned by either the SyFy channel, with few changes, or by Hustler magazine whose editors would add three, new, barely legal female characters and target the perennially resurgent sadomasochistic audience.
While not, per se, a poet, Larry writes poems compulsively to avoid actual work. When facing any deadline or time-based requirement his output of poetry can only be considered prodigious. Many of his poems are published online at sites frequented by either low functioning fourteen year old poets struggling with unrequited Joe Jonas or Miley Cyrus love issues, or disturbingly older poets suffering almost identical delusions about the former group.
Over his career Larry received a number of Citations; three for drunk and disorderly and four for public lewdness. He collects glass mugs and is banned from a number of taverns where the price of a draft beer is more than one dollar. He accumulated a number of speeding tickets unrelated to intoxication and in Wyoming was clocked at more than thirty miles per hour over the legal limit. He raced motorcycles, mountain bicycles and the Dubuque, Iowa, City Police to the Wisconsin state line. He was the recipient of a plastic bowling trophy with a bicycle screwed onto the top at the conclusion of the State of Michigan Mountain Bike Racing Cup Series one year.
He is a native of New York City's Hell's Kitchen and subsequently resided in a number of states, some by choice, some not. He and his wife Janis currently live in Wisconsin, a location conducive to writing since the snow remains two feet deep for at least eight months of the year.
He has two children who have moved as far away from him as possible while still retaining US citizenship.
Larry's next book, A Fly in My Ointment, is due out this summer when Wisconsin roads open briefly; although it may not reach bookstores until the following year due to highway construction delays.
A Memoir - Larry Strattner — Working outline
Click, click, click, click, click. Click, click, click, click, click.
Ow! Eeek! Blam! God. Where does this stuff come from?
Dude, I need more surrealism, like a ray gun or a couple of humanoids.
Kid, if we do this there's got to be more labia. You know; more fluids.
Granted, Kim Kardashian
is not a haberdashian.
Her chests bulge out
She flits about.
She's discovered how to cash them in.
“Sheesh orificer, I don't shink... Ow! Ow! Ow! I didn't mean it like that!”
“Thirty miles over? My speedometer must be stuck.”
“On behalf of myself and my trainer I would like to thank my parents for instilling in me… MMMfffff. Wait! I'm not finished….”
“That's not a knife. This is a knife.”
“What is this ointment shit! The frigging expiration date is 1986! Christ, there's a fly in it!”
Will the kids be home for Christmas this year?
All rights reserved.
I had to update my Biography for 2010
I'm working on a sweeping memoir which will illuminate our times.
This is dedicated to my wife, who seems to have gone missing.